To You.

You know, women are good workers but sometime the screw up big time.
Oh’ boy, yesterday I told the receptionist at the hotel that I need a
cab Saturday morning at 6:00. As usual I slept at about 2:30AM. My
friend in Texas woke me up at about 4:00AM all drunk saying something
about a stripper. I told him to go to sleep and do a complete medical
check up today. I might have slept at about 5:00 grrrrr exactly at 6:00
a woman called me and said. “Sir, your cab is ready”… I said “haha you
are right on time, but 24 hours earlier silly… ” enough sleeping I got
up and sat on the sofa and fallen asleep there. Then a knock on the
door, at about 6:30AM “Room service” by this time I am really pissed, I
opened the door, a beautiful young lady standing with a smile.

I asked her “Do you have a watch?”

She said “Yeah”,

I told her “Check the time”

“6:32, What’s Up?” That’s what she asked.

I first asked politely “Are you out of your mind to work at this hour?”
She gave me a smile. I know this lady is not going to go… I told her.
“Considering your looks, if by service you mean…. “Service”, you are
welcome at anytime” That’s it, she vanished within a micro second.

I went back to the sofa and slept till 8:30AM. When I woke up I really
felt bad and while I was walking out through the corridor I saw the
girl. I called her and apologized to her. The saddest part is she wept
when I apologized. I came out of the hotel got into the car… then got
out went back and apologized  again … this time she smiled and said “You know,
you are not a bad guy like I thought… I have no hard feelings, and
don’t complain about waking you up so early.. I needed to take off
early to go to New York”  hahaha I gave her one of my Nutrigrain
Cereal bars and went to work.

At work, I am all set today, I finished the testing of all programs I
wrote then I talked to the current company I am working to relieve me
by Feb 8th. I thought they might do something crooked to mess me up.
Well that went well. It was a good week altogether.

This poem, just a scribble I thought is not that bad. There was no
reason to write it at all. I did not thought this out. I just wrote
it…. Thinking about a girl… mmm not the morning maid, but a wonderful
girl… Haha. I started writing it at exactly 4:02PM and finished at
4:23PM. So, if there are any flaws… well.. I know most of you don’t
care about it. But still… Forgive me. Today is a day for apologies haha.

I don’t know if I will be online tomorrow through Tuesday. If I am I
will post another long poem hehehe. I will give you a head start…. It
is called “NymphoManiac”. Imagine, the rough draft itself is 47 lines.
So a long poem is on its way. Most probably I will finish it during
flight. A good place to write a poem called NymphoManiac, Airplane haha.

I got my Laptop back, it like “Paradise Regained”.

Have wonderful weekend everyone.

To
You.

O I do not want to fail and fall,
Upon your feet O my love,
Waited and waited to hear a word of care,
But parted, you, without even a smile.

Love me for who I am,
Love me for what I am not,
Love me for the love of my love,
For in love more clearly I see,
Your eyes and that little heart,
Forever thriving to be loved.

Though you and I never exists in love,
There exists two souls who cannot go apart,
As the love of mine, forever holds you in heart.

O these are all silly little talks of mine,
To myself, to comfort my paining heart,
You alone can bring me that breeze,
That will soothe the pain of my lonely heart.

You alone can calm me down,
As my mind and body eagerly waits,
For that smile to show at the door steps of mine.
Is that day today or a day in my morrows?
Or is that a day never destined to be born?

There are no more words I seek,
To express my love for you, dear,
As my whole life has become the expression,
Of my love for you forever.   

Mind Of An Unloved Man.

This Thursday was far better than last Thursday. I loved
myself in this day more than the last several days. Wow, nothing really
happened. Haha that’s good you know. It is better than all things going
wrong at once. The only problem is I have like zero confidence left in
me. You know that’s what bad times will do to you. It will drain out
every bit of your confidence in you. I will regain it. Writing my mind
out is a good way I know how to build confidence. Especially writing
poems like the one below. Accepting my flaws, getting accustomed to
those flaws a little more so that I can straighten them up, then mix
them all up with something I don’t have haha you all know what I am
talking about.

It was a day that was pleasant. I accept that I
couldn’t do anything this day. Even this poem I wrote in about an hour
is not the best of mine. But forgive me it is just an attempt of
someone trying his best to hang on to a string of hay.

 Before
I end. I don’t know how many of you might’ve noticed the Custom Module
box on the left of my site. It is a free email account of PoetryBox.
Yeah, I attached my xanga to a domain. www.poetrybox.us. If anyone is
interested you can have a free email account. Alright, one more day,
then I am on a trip to Kansas. Nothing much there just a visit to my
brother whom I haven’t seen for more than a year. I miss his children
more than him. Most probably I will post some pictures after the Kansas
trip.

Mind Of An Unloved Man.

The taming of mind after the wild chase,
After her who still remains an illusion.
In emptiness I penanced,
For an unrealistic life ahead,
And her heart so elusive,
My mind elongated in time and space ran after.

I speak of no dreams anymore,
For they all were like virus,
That ate out mind, leaving remorse.

I keep no hope in any day ahead,
As all hope disappeared in her silence,
The fear in me grew everyday,
As the silence haunted, even in the bright-lit day.

She did not see the passion of her dreams in me,
Her illusion of love did not paint my face,
Every image in my eyes lost,
In the deep and dark dreams of the unloved,
And once more my own conscience laughed,
At me in the mockery of my loveless life.

O loveless I maybe after the wildest rides,
Uptowns to downtowns and to countryside,
I went after mirages of pathetic material life,
Though love alone is not life, I learned,
The love of a girl I will always miss.

Mind is a mystery mankind never learned,
Love is mystery my mind always hunted,
Though lost again love still remain,
Deep in the heart with every freshness known.

Then I felt a light breeze blowing from the west,
The wind touched nothing but me,
The hissing sound, played like a thousand violins,
By Nature deep into my ear and to my heart,
And the heart opened once more to welcome,
A new love in all her freshness,
Though darkness still holds its hard grip,
Up in the sky blink multitude of stars,
Making me pray for the darkness to hold on,
As a new star is born with my love for you,
Glowing to you in all colors you choose.

Being Human.

Haha, I think stunned some of my regular readers with a long poem. If
you are stunned, then you are going to lose me, what is to come are
five more long poems like the one you saw in the previous post. Then I
have already chosen the next two characters I am going to write about.
In between you will get short poems like this one I am posting. There
is a relief. If I feel love towards any girl, haha, all fictitious
characters take a back seat. I will write the happy part first, then
she will dump me, then I will write the sad part, which you all will
read hehehe. But falling for another girl? That girl must be really
good. I mean really good. There is another side to this. If a girl is
that good, why would she come after me? So my lovely readers prepare
for reading long poems.

 Okay enough crazy talk. It was raining all morning here. When I
was going for lunch I saw a shot on a T.V in a shop. Just a passing
shot on T.V in which I saw an African American girl holding a dead
puppy and looking above saying something. I don’t even know what
channel it was. I looked in the evening news in the local channels if
they repeat that shot. Nope none of them showed it again. Just now I
thought of checking my emails I thought out this poem. It came from
that passing shot.

One good news. My attorney filed the first part of my Visa extension papers. It is in the hands of God now.

Being
Human.

Ah, the glittering colors up in the horizon seen,
Scattered clouds begging mercy at the bleeding sun,
They were part of the storm that danced wild,
Thunders and lightning, wind and floods carving,
Life in a day in the gloomy nature’s wrath.

Sirens are all died down in the silence,
A deadly calm waits for events unknown,
Ravens sharpening their beaks upon the dried out oak,
Sleepless owls turning their heads again and again.

Oh’ what disaster the whole Nature and unspeaking awaits?
Do they know more than all man made science know?
Or were they all stunned by some mischief done?
As a poet who walks through the middle age of his life,
I see far beyond the horizon and its colors,
I feel powerful than the best thunderbolt that grounded,
In the mind of a human in spiritual awakening,
As I watch that little child praying for her dead little puppy.

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles-Phase The Third. The Rally.

Hello All,

    I know this is a hard call for many of my readers. There are others who are waiting to see this. Well the ones waiting to see are not xangans. I think you all may still remember my attempt to write “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles” character into a poem. Here is the third phase of that poem. Like I said during the first and second I will re-write this again.

  This poem was long when I finished the rough draft. It was 382 lines long. I edited out a lot and brought it down to about 130 lines. Then I understood that I edited too much. So I re-wrote but took out some huge description of the dairy life in England to make it reasonably long.  Well I hope some people in Xanga will read.

I am keeping my promise. I will finish the rest of the story as quick as possible.
Here are the links to the first two phases. As I have taken a long break from this you can read that too, before coming to this one.

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles. Phase The First–The  Maiden.

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles-Phase The Second–Maiden No More

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles-Phase The Third. The Rally.

The May morning over Marlott seemed gloomy,
As once more Tess left her little village,
Though the May morning sun was bright,
Mind of her and everyone who loved her,
With regrets filled of the recent years.
It’s hard to leave Liza Lu(1) and Abby boy,
Hope and Modesty she will miss them both,
And the younger ones may find it hard to remember,
When in some holidays they see her next.
Tess thought it is the best for her and them,
As little good from her they can gain,
And a lot of harm by her example.

The journey to Talbothays itself was like the weather,
Brightened by the hour by the vivid life she seen,
From the gloomy past her heart warmed,
As through intervening uplands she passed,
And walked along the tunes of birds,
Singing ballads of praise of God,
For all the beauty through her senses felt.
And brisk walked to the lowlands of green,
It was no tiring journey for this girl with life filled,
As she heard a pleasant voice in every breeze,
Every birds note a lurk of joy,
In meditation tuned her heart to purity,
The walk became a pilgrimage away from her past.

The diary life welcomed she like her own looks,
The early morning milking and skimming,
Milking times passed by with tales told,
From medieval times through yester years,
The songs sung in the early morn,
Like the chanting in a monastery,
Brought peace even in unborn calves.

Tess blended into the cow herd easily,
And cows upon the belly her cheeks pressed,
Took a share of her own beauty for that moment.
The cows that were all named,
With pretty names with their majestic looks,
The gentle cows and the stubborn ones,
Kicking buckets for their favorite hands.

From behind a cow came a face,
A face looked upon by every dairymaid,
A face her memory will never forget,
As in the corner of heart remained,
That face even in the worst terror she faced,
The face once she wished so close,
Those hands once she wished held her own,
Upon the meadows during that May Day dance.
Angel Clare at six and twenty,
Filled the heart of even the stubborn cow.

Angle Clare was no dairyman,
The parson’s son who left the Godly work,
And choose farming in colonial lands,
Apprentice he was in this diary world,
After learning the shepherd ways,
Some where in the northern moors.

Early bedtimes with stories from dairymaids,
Breakfast, lunch and dinner with everyone,
The walk in the morning summer fog,
And evening filled her heart in full,
With sweetness of life she never dreamt,
Listening to the music of harp played,
By Angel in his solitary life.

The fancy talk at breakfast time,
About how souls can be made to leave,
Our bodies by lying in the grass at night,
Staring at stars by fixing the mind upon it,
Driving the soul hundreds of miles away,
Made every eye in the room zoomed upon Tess’s lips,
So came the eye of Angel Clare,
A thousand flashes passed through his mind,
“What a fresh virginal daughter of Nature is she”,
Said he about Tess to his own soul.
That gave him a thought of her pretty face,
But where, when and how,
He couldn’t tell from his memory of past.
Innocence in her fantasy words,
Charm of her beauty spread,
Imprinted deep in his lonely heart,
The face of Tess over other maids,
Whenever he thought of womankind.

The days of the milkmaids passed,
With thoughts and talks about Angel Clare,
Nights of the milkmaids passed,
In their dreams about Angel Clare.
No thoughts, talks or dreams passed,
Through the mind of Tess,
As any notion of passion always led,
To the brutal experience of her past.

A past she wished gone into a silent memory,
But every word of love and passion heard,
Shivered Tess beyond her senses can hide.

Though the daily morning walks of Tess,
And her evening strolls around diary lands,
Found her ways in solitude,
To ward off the grief of disgrace and death.

Every moment after the breakfast view,
Every bit of Tess impressed,
Angel Clare closer to her heart.
Angel Clare to Tess was more,
Than any man she ever new,
His ways and talks made her view,
Him as an intelligence than a normal man.

Her hope and bitterness, fairness and fancy,
Thoughts and opinions always made Angel think,
Of his understanding of her in every way,
The freshness of Jasmine flower,
The perfection of youth blended,
The completeness of every beauty conceived,
In the calmness of Nature’s novelty.

Tess lived the happiest days of her life,
Early morning walks through the summer fog,
With Angel Clare by her side,
Though not of intentions,
Studied each other a little more every day,
The deeper the understanding of their minds,
Each other in love with every bit of what they learned,
When attraction of outer beauty grown deep,
Into love of souls in eagerness thrived,
To unite for the perfection of their love.

Her countenance in the morning sun,
Erased every feeling of flesh and blood,
From the mind of Angel Clare,
The love in him made her unearthly,
In the purest form of womankind.

Tess though in the purest form of happiness,
Still trembled in the horror of her past,
She knew the love of Angel Clare,
And she knew her unworthiness,
And she tried to divert his love,
But failed again and again,
As his love for her grew day by day.
Forced her to avoid his company,
And moved away from his way,
Left him perplexed and in pain,
When every sense of him focused deep,
To know more the mind of Tess
Tess lived with her own pain.
The love she held deep in her own heart,
That may out pour as she tired to hold,
Knowing the pain of Angel Clare,
That pained her more day by day.

The warmer weather brought the summer rain,
In the night before that fateful Sunday morn,
The nightly rain flooded the walk way to church,
As the well dressed maids with Tess stood confused,
Not knowing how to cross the water in their best dress,
Angel came as the Angel to carry them one by one
When Angel carried the dairymaids,
Crossing the flooded roads to the churchyard.
In his hands Tess felt the love of him,
And he said that all these trouble he took,
Was for holding her in the arm of his.
Alas, she can’t think of anything more,
She can’t say another word,
A love she avoided with all her strength,
At last she felt in her own heart.
As his lips came close to her own lips,
Rest of the dairymaids felt the love of both.

Angle Clare’s mind was a mess,
As in consciousness and in sleep,
Her face, her hands, her body, her eyes,
All filled his mind and soul.
Every thought started with Tess,
Every thought was about Tess,
And every thought of Angel Clare about Tess,
Never ended in his mind filled with love for Tess.

As the summer prepared to leave that year,
And fall prepared to color every thing around,
When every lovers mind finds hard to keep control,
Of the love that screams from inside the soul,
The love of Angel Clare outpoured from his mind,
From the milking bench he held her in his arms,
And told her how dear was his love for her.
Love unheard to mankind till that day,
Love listened by every bit of Nature around,
And celebrated by birds and trees and flowers alike,
As the purity of that love filled into the heart of Tess,
That moment brought tears in her eyes,
And we all know the sweetness in the drop or two.

(End Of Phase The Third) (1) Liza Lu. Sister of Tess though not mentioned in the book much. Becomes an important part of the story in the last paragraph of the book. The name Liza Lu is the short form of Eliza Louisa. Keep an eye on this character in my poems to come.

If you want to read the text I followed for this phase visit this link Tess Of The D’Urbervilles-Phase The Third. The Rally.

My Promise.

Another holiday Monday. I watched couple of movies on HBO then went to
BestBuy to see if my laptop is back. No, it is only shipped from MN
mmmm sad… I don’t know I love laptops hehehe. Then watched the Golden
Globes, wow pretty women in pretty dresses driving everyman out of his
mind. The only man I noticed, my favorite guy in Hollywood these days,
George Clooney. One heck of a man, I always complain about my grey
hair. Well it is a beauty for that guy haha. It was so nice to see
Bernie Taupin winning an award, though not with Elton John, but of
course writing a song for a Gay movie hehehe. See Mr.Taupin always need
something gay for success even though he himself is not gay.
 Well..
notable moment this evening. None of the Desperate House wives got any
awards for acting. I liked that. Lost, won an award, even though I
haven’t seen even one episode of that show my friends love this show. I
thought George Clooney may win the award for the best director. But I
haven’t seen the movie ‘Brokeback Mountain’. I may never see that
hehehe.

That was my day. Sorry for the late post. You know
what I was doing all day already. Now this poem, last month someone
asked me to explain my first kiss… Well I explained I was like 14 years
old in a very conservative town, the girl was two years older to me.
Well things did not ended with just a kiss hahaha, that was the first
everything.  During the New Year time, I was in the office busy
and getting crazy with work and after finishing work I was driving back
to my room and I remembered the first kiss. I immediately started
recording into my voice recorder which was really funny to listen to,
it was like audio porn hehehe. I deleted it after getting the main
idea, my explanation was that bad. That’s what the first part of the
poem is all about. The next part is not written for myself even though
in the poem it is me who is the character. It was written in a general
way. Like I said in my update yesterday in LonelyPoet.Org “There was no
one out there to love me. I am positive about that.” Yeah… so the
second part is just a fantasy, so the poem is kinda inconclusive.

Have
a wonderful week ahead folks… I love you all. Next weekend mmmm I may
not be online at all. I am going to see “Dorothy” well.. I mean, I am
going to Kansas.

My Promise.

Three days… a face that filled,
My life in precious patterns,
The glory of a life time of passions,
Obsessed everyday until those days, fulfilled.

The giggling water streams of a hill side stream,
Played never ending symphonies,
As you and I lived in a bubble flown up,
As even the feeling of love shied away.

Upon that day I promised never to forget,
But those moments of sex and passion and days,
Went into the past of you and I,
Life as calamity dried away with your image.

All these years I held to you an obligation,
My first woman, though so young we were,
A never ending dream those days left in me,
Every moment with you lived in a corner of my heart.

Now in the hope of rejuvenating life in another love,
I have to leave every passion of those days away
As upon the love of an innocent lover I drown,
Love I never got in every ‘body’ that passed through my arms.

Upon the eyes of a girl I never touched I promise,
Holding every star witness, I swear,
That the love I always held in is for this girl,
Whom I love, more than anything anyone ever loved.

There
were flaws in the poem that went unnoticed by those who commented
already. It might be an oversight. But if there are any problems with
grammar or punctuation or anything else please feel free to put that in
your comments. It is okay to say the flaws to me keep in mind English
is not my mother tongue. An old man 75 years old today emailed me
saying what was wrong. haha. He also said he is a big fan of my poems.
From 14 through 75 I think I got all age groups in here hehehe. It is
11:38AM and I got to go for a meeting. Have a great day.

Lifeless Life.

Hello Everyone,
     I hope you all are having a wonderful time out
there. I took a much needed break. Well yesterday all day, I relaxed
with sleep, music, T.V, reading. I didn’t write anything. However by
the end of the day I realized that it is time for me to prepare for the
unknown, I mean the future. As it is unknown there is not a lot I can
do. It is a string of “If” conditions, like in a COBOL program, if it
is this then do this else do something else, else something else. If
none of the if conditions work go crazy hehehe. I never expected this
well I know no matter how much I calculate and prepare something is
going to surprise. This is a good one I will enjoy taking myself
through. Is there irony in it? Yes, plenty of it. Do I care about it?
Hell no…. These kinda thoughts made me withdraw completely into my
room. Then after about four hours I came out and sat in the cold
executive center and typed in the following poem.  

Earlier today I updated my good old blog site lonelypoet.org. Tomorrow
is a holiday I hope my computer may come back repaired. I lived without
a girl in my life for years in the past but without a laptop mmmm not
in the last eight years. May be that love of the computers is what is
keeping a lot of love from me…. May be haha.

Lifeless
Life.

A wild cat-stretch took me out of bed,
Brushed teeth before the first word I said,
My own aging face with grey hair annoyed,
Shaved away ten years of the real me.

Peanut butter, grape jelly and a banana sandwiched,
Between wheat bread to break my nightly fast,
Tea with cardamom, vanilla syrup and honey,
Day can’t start any better than that.

When on the way, thoughtless in my routine,
What a discipline I learned in these years,
Office to home, home to lunch, lunch to office,
Monotony molded my life in every way.

I scribbled ridiculous verses far away from my life,
Lived in a dream through my verses all these years,
Waited for a dream to live through me, but in vain,
My only forgetfulness was to live a life given to me.

On my way back home still thoughtless I remained,
Were did I lose my muse in that hour? I don’t know,
Where are the pretty images seen, when my eyes I closed?
I know a change up in the horizon that breezed to me.

Before going to bed I once more wrote,
Another piece of verse I loved to dream,
Still acting the forgetfulness earlier I said,
As I always will do the same the rest of my life.

Not a day I will live in the way life told me to,
Not another soul I will bother with my own life,
Not another moment will I dream with another soul,
O as forever I will sleep dreaming a life with you.

Flower From A Garden Unknown.

Still in no mans land…. Well… my friend and boss all in one managed to
send the paper by USPS express mail at by 10:40PM last night, as by the
time he reaced town area DHL, FedEX and UPS guys turned their hands
saying that he should’ve got the package to them by 3:00PM for an
overnight delivery. I then know it
was a chance he is taking for me. I cannot blame him. A man with a
family of couple of demanding teenagers and one old car tried his best.
Lal, is more like a brother for me. Hats off to him for his best
efforts.

 Well… the anticlimax is USPS did not delivered it today. All in
vain. I felt sorry for all the yelling at Lal and the attorney for
screwing this whole thing up. That’s me, I regret every angry moment
later. Now for three days I have to sit on my hands. The attorney still
is optimistic in pulling this one off. I just have to wait and see.

 Today there was no much panic, just waiting and waiting to see if
the postage is going to be delivered. I didn’t do anything at work at
5:00PM I sent an email asking for a guy to fix and application which is
not responding. Then I sat thinking about a lot of things and wrote the
following. I don’t want to leave you my family with a question upon
your head about me. Read the poem that will tell you how I feel now.

You all have the best of all weekends.

Flower From A Garden
Unknown.

In the course of time mankind chose,
Many ways to express heartfelt love
Many ways, even the all seeing God may shy away,
Many other ways made the Almighty God proud,
Of his best creation on Earth.

Wonderful creations we are,
Blessed in many ways, unfortunate at times,
Being loved, unloved, discarded and some hated.

Poets chose images to depict love,
Painters in colors shown the love,
Musicians from their heart played their love,
Dancers blend it all in every step,
The joy of love and passion,
The expression of life in depth,
All won and lost many times in one lifetime.

Oh’ blessed I am that I loved,
I wrote about love in many, many ways,
I always imaged you in my verse,
With my verse that chanted the pride of my love,
Through those verse I have shown,
The best images that echoed my thoughts,
And filled your ears with words,
Words that danced upon your mind.

I championed you in everyway mankind known,
And in many ways to mankind unknown,
But you with one action took away my pride,
And forever I plunged in your love,
As you laid the most beautiful flower upon me,
A flower from a garden unknown to mankind,
A garden in paradise, you opened before me,
When you laid your heart upon mine.

Left Over Thoughts.

If there is a Thursday I hate that will be this one. Even when I type
in this, the negativity that came into this bright warm day is not
over. The details are crazy, as my new company manager forgot to sign a
document when he sent them to the attorney. The document must go to
USCIS( United States Citizenship And Immigration Services) tomorrow.
And he is still somewhere in rural Wisconsin not able to find a FedEX
or UPS store to overnight that document. As minutes pass by the ever
optimistic me is losing hope. All went bad, all was bad. I will update
later about what happened when day is over in Wisconsin.

I wrote this poem even amidst the chaos of work and this whole thing
going crazy. I really don’t know why I wrote this poem. May be when
everything settle down at some point of time in the future I will be
able to figure that out.

I love you all and I am really sorry I don’t have a happy face to show.

Left Over Thoughts.

Tragedy, my conscience screamed,
As dragged away my heart,
My whole being into seclusion,
The tear ducts in amazement frozen,
Tearless eyes in drowsiness closed,
As many more aftershocks came,
And erased all that felt one by one.

A relationship in failure mocked.

All the positives and negatives felt,
After we lost each other to dreamless nights,
Stood out were the unfitting qualities of mine.

Now when I look at this day so bright,
Unusually warm for this winter,
Trees amidst the town stand like ghosts,
Bare naked but hauntingly beautiful,
Waiting for a warmer day to come.

Busy people passing by with unusual looks,
Upon my face confused between happiness and sadness,
I wonder what sadness deep in their heart they hide.
Still they all show a happy outlook in acting.

Oh’ in the middle of the flow standing,
As everything looks like the echo of some past,
Every sound I hear like a whisper of a familiar face,
All feel like time stopped to feel the past,
A past of joy filled days of laughter and love.

In my minds eye I see a thousand faces,
All yours, chanting my verses,
In this moment of insanity I know,
Happiness is what fills in everywhere,
And sadness is just a left over thought.

On Your Footsteps.

I officially pressed the panic button earlier today, when couple of
checks sent to my attorney was said to have delivered by USPS but the
attorney swearing they did not got it. My real insanity came out when I
contacted the post office and asked for an explanation. Eventually they
found the envelope not delivered in the morning mail but they did
delivered in the afternoon. The post office called me back and
apologized for the delay.

 Now this is just the starting
of it. I expected these kinda panics by third week of this month, why
wait, start now hehehe.  Last night I said in a comment, I am
getting sick and tired of being tense all the time.

 Said
that… I am going to say something different now. Well… I’ve read couple
of posts and they are by really wise people who told their mind. That’s
not the point here. The “I” how important is “I” to you? For me I
always say I am the most important person in my life( thanks Lee Falk)
and it is true. However, I do care about others also. If I cannot be
happy and I can make one person glad everyday, I consider myself as the
luckiest man in the world that day. That’s what I do in other people’s
xanga sites, write the best comment possible for any given situation.
In these laptop less days that is not fully possible and dear xangans
please excuse me for not commenting on many sites.

Love you all.

Tomorrow is my favorite day… some Thursdays gets effed up also…. Yeah I don’t want tomorrow to be another bad day.

This
poem… I wrote it a while back the first draft…. I don’t know I wrote it
in a drawing book, I think I was trying to draw Manisha Koirala she is
a Nepalese born Indian actress. The heartthrob of the Indian youth in
the 90s. I know I tore off that page because the drawing was that bad.
But there were some lines written on the other side which remained.
This poem was written out of those lines like in the afternoon when I
finished one portion of a test I am doing at work.

Enjoy it.

On Your Footsteps.

The morning embraced the meadows.
Like a dream filling in an empty mind,
The soothing wind ran around,
Whispering a wake up song in every ear.

The pale old moon had fallen asleep,
The morning flowers filled the mind,
Sipping in the morning dew.

No matter what happens in nature,
Dawns will only be completed,
When the gentle footsteps of yours bless,
The golden valley that blend with you,
The caressing hands of yours touch the flowers,
And the waiting dandelions, tulips and roses open,
Their last petals to finish their beauty.

Amazement fills in the life of the nature around,
In enjoyment when you whistle the song of the cuckoo,
What should I do to when that innocence fill in my mind?
What should I do to care the beauty you are in and out?
What should I do to with the feeling of love all around?
When every bit of life holds you dear,
How can I alone hold you near?

I can only walk upon the footsteps you leave,
As from the feeling of the nature around, I am sure,
I will be lead to eternal love.

To My Life.

Today Eid day, morning started with prayers. I went to the mosque and
finishing prayers I reached office earlier than expected. It was a
hectic day with stuff at work and other things connected to my Visa
extension going wild. There are things still in limbo. I don’t know
where I will be on February 9th as February 8th is the last day of my
Visa.  Well I will deal with February 9th on February 9th haha.

 In the evening, I went and bought some Indian food. Haha Haven’t
eaten Indian food for sometime now. Yummy it was but I may need about
two weeks of strict diet to fix the damage hehehe. Nothing much going
on other than that.

 Here is a picture of the “Masjid-Ul-Haram” mosque in Mecca, Saudi
Arabia. I don’t think this is taken during the hajj time. I love this
picture for the wonderful quality and it shows everyone in unity bowing
before God.

Now today’s poem. I wish I wrote this in one day haha no it took years
to finish but when you read the poem, the poem will look simple. To be
honest, I wrote the rough draft about 4 years ago, then, kept on
modifying the poem. Today evening I thought yeah time to finish this
dude and made little bit of modification here and there. I am terrible
with punctuations there are too many question marks, let me know if
anyone of it is in the wrong place.

To My Life.

Oh’ my life, won’t you live in unity,
With thoughts of mine that adores you?
Can’t you care about the dreams of mine?
Why you leave me perplexed and astray,
When needed most to move on?
And embed in me when in happiness I thrive,
And scatter me like scared morning doves,
Into the depth of haunting pain,
Leaving illusions and silent remorse.

Oh’ my life, you are much more than any definition,
Meaning more than all have taught me,
When with care through senses deliver,
Sights of unnatural beauty,
Sounds of all angels in prayer,
Smell of a virgin’s skin,
Touch of my own heart beat,
And taste of never ending kisses.

Oh’ my life, why you keep me away from another?
When through you to reach out I try,
Can’t you take me to the depths of life around?
And why not stop the hide and seek?
And in unity make another life worthwhile.

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