You want to know the truth isn’t it? You read most of the
new poems I hope. It is nothing but the truth I am writing there. Mo Cuishle,
the most ironical fact is I just don’t accept the truth. That’s what the new
poems are all about. I am one man who lives in a fantasy land. Telling the
truth is the only way out of that land. It is sometime not easy to face it as
the truth is ugly. And it is ugly and dirty all these time.
You said the magic words, you don’t care. Yes, you don’t care what I
care, that’s the truth isn’t it? When I requested comments in LonelyPoet.Com
kaboom you write in my guest book. Doesn’t it look deliberate? I warned you
about the poems. I know where I was going. The guilt is the bad roads I am back
in. If you read the poems carefully you will know what I am talking about.
Now, let me tell you more truth. I have a failed relationship standing
and walking in front of me with a beautiful face. Jennifer, It is just me to
blame for that, because the attempt was too early. I think you know what I am
talking about. I don’t want to go through another emotional crisis like last
year. But something from which I thought I moved on is still lingering. I
understood that when at 2:30AM you came to my site and I woke up to see your
dedication of your life to your boyfriend. I deleted all the comments I can
from your Myspace and thought it is better to stay away than make a mess of
myself in this. That’s the truth. If I say I am so sorry… that is a mere
repetition of all the sorry I’ve told. I remember you saying once that you are
tired of this. You should be. I understand that. For me this is not a game,
this is straightening out my life. It is taking more time and effort for this
and I will get over what I must get over. Don’t worry about it.
I am not going to
tell you what you should do. I don’t know what you can do about it all. I am no
one. So it is up to you whether you should comment in LonelyPoet.Com or not or
ever comment in my site at all. My “Yesterdays” poems initially will be like
this only but writing them will help to move on fast and I will get into more
easy subjects to write about. As for me like I said in my poem “Turning off a
light” my love life is pretty much over. I am too old and out of shape for it.
So there is no point writing about hypothetical scenarios.
Nothing is okay so I
am not going to use those words to end it. Be good and good will come to you.
One thing is sure I will never have any bad feelings for you at all, and I will
never be able to forget all these. I once wrote, I have never taken one shot at
life. Now I think I am wrong. That shot was taken with a very bad aim.
<>Riaz Ahammed
The truth is not that I don’t care. The truth is…we both live our lives extremely different than the other. My basic instinct is to block you and never need to read anything of yours again, but there is a kindness in me that won’t allow me to do that. I do know, however, that it would probably be a smarter choice…so why I haven’t made it is something I still have to wonder about.
Truth is, I could never imagine living my life like you do. That is probably why we are so different. You put your life into something so abstract, so when it fails to go the way you’d like to see fit it hurts you more than it would normally. You feel love for reasons very few would ever call valid in some cases, and then you feel love like one should…yet your reactions to such cases prove to pull you farther into the hole you are digging for yourself.
Truth is, I can see why you don’t change. It’s who you are. Because I would never act the same way, I’ll never be able to understand your reasoning, but I will understand that it’s something that won’t ever change. The only thing I’ll feel for you is pity in that respect. If you don’t want it, don’t take it. I suppose that’s the method of life.