Month: April 2012

Yesterday evening when was standing outside watching the light drizzle falling down a bird came and sat on the string strung behind my house. It is strung between my house and post specially made to hang this bird feeder. Believe me this post is about 30 feet tall with a bird resting place on top and from it the sting comes and the other side is strung to my house with a hook. The bird sat on the corner of the string and moved a bit this way and that way as if in a dance. I smiled and thought what is this bird doing? Then I noticed the bird feeder is empty. So I walked out and took the feeder in and filled it with feed and left it hanging back there. Then I waited to see if the bird comes back or not. I waited for sometime and got back in as I haven’t seen even the sign of the bird around. After a while when I was emptying the trash can I saw the bird feeding at the bird feeder. And when I came out of the house with the trash bag the bird flown away like a bullet.. I said aloud, that’s it, there you go.. I just stood there in the falling rain until I finished writing this whole thing in my heart. And what exactly it means? Read it and think my friends. You are going to love the answers you get in your mind then you may feel a bit sad. I guarantee it.

 

The Bird Feeder.

The day from the clutches of a dark Lord broke away,
And through the landscapes along with Mother Earth moved,
Oh’ what a wonderful morning a poet watched,
As mind in the rhythms of happy thoughts danced.

Happy thoughts that came along a singing bird,
She sang and sang as if to impress hearts,
And then the empty can of bird feed I noticed,
Oh’ what a crime to leave the singer hungry.

Out to the growing yard I went,
And saw a wing of her away from all in flight,
Took the can and with a smile I filled,
The seeds and grains birds of her kind loved.

Left I and upon the steps I sat,
To see the singer with gratitude feed,
Nothing I heard, no bird I saw,
No wind I felt, no leaf for the warmth of eyes swayed.

Without much thought back into home I came,
My chores I did and when tying my shoes I heard,
The sweet voice a bird singing,
Through the window at her I peeped.

She sang and sang and then slowly ate,
The upon a strung string she walked,
Then on to the maple tree jumped,
And there through every branch she danced.

Her dance I watched Oh’ the best of the dances I’ve ever seen,
Many steps she laid ah, wonderful images in mind left,
For whom she danced I know not,
As when my presence she felt into the depth of sky she flown.

Many days with the same rituals passed,
And the bird every time my presence felt, away she flown,
Wondered if she knew to her no harm I meant,
Feed her as long as hands can I thought.

Many times only in nights the can I filled,
One day the bird in my presence may dance I thought,
Filled the can knowing somewhere in peace of night slept,
In her own ways, with her own love, unknowing all she slept

Then a night came when the can I filled,
And slept with not much thought about the bird,
That day I saw her dancing in all passions filled,
But flown away when my presence she felt.

In her dance the nature around thrilled,
And in my presence the wind with her flown,
The clouds way above covered the smiling sun,
And the gloom even in the petals of roes felt.

Oh’ out there for a while I sat all stunned,
Then with a pledge in mind back home I walked,
Never to try to watch the bird dance or hear her sing,
But to stay hidden from her eyes and fill the feeding can at night.
 

The Actual Bird Feeder And Bird that inspired to write this poem

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved. 2012.

OMG, OMG, OMG I said that loud many times. I prayed and prayed and prayed that I should not lose my temper at myself and someone else. I am getting good at this controlling emotion thing.

  Here is the update on the clarification I asked in about a page and half. “There are no ill feelings” done, donna done. First thing that came to my mind was “WTF”. I asked forgiveness to God for that thought.  I watched NFL draft, then I watched Firefly, I went out to see if I can do anything with my backyard. It looked so much wild I said…”I don’t want to hurt you plants, … this weekend” and it was cold so I got my ass back into my home. Saturday evening I called my nephew’s fiancé. Nice girl to talk to she calls me “mama” which means Uncle. oO I am getting old boo boo boo hehehe. After the call I remembered how much my dad care about my nephew. He never allowed anyone to even raise their voice at my nephew and gave him everything he asked. One day I shouted at my nephew and got all pissed and went upstairs and my dad came to me and in a very low voice said this to me “Be kind to young ones and show respect to your elders” one of the best lessons I’ve learned. A lesson I recently remembered which started the controlling the emotion thing..

  My Sundays are the same. I ended up saying “I love you” I don’t know who it was I said that.. well there is someone in the spiritual realm.. but in reality… probably left hand. Hehehe

Game of Thrones wooo.. If you haven’t read the book better don’t read it now to see how it ends. Just get HBO and watch the episodes. If you are an aspiring actor you should watch the performances of Peter Drinklage(Tyrion Lannister),  Massi Williams(Arya Stark), Michelle Fairley(Catelyn Stark) and Kit Harrington(John Snow) there is a lot to learn from them. They literally live those characters than act them.

 Borgias on Showtime.. this is another masterpiece in the making. Wow I loved this episode. I don’t need to tell you how Jeremy Irons acts. The best part of this episode was when the Duke of Milan comes in front of the pope with his brand new wife, the expression on the face of Jeremy Irons is hilarious as she is a whore the pope was doing some months back. Then the Duke goes for the battle with the blessings of the pope blowing cannons and Duke’s wife at the same time is blowing the pope. That is one hilarious show. Notable performances François Arnaud as Cesare Borgia and of course the beautiful Lotte Verbeek as Giulia Farnese and Holliday Grainger as Lucrezia Borgia.

  Believe me the shows I told are not for children. The sexual content and violence in both these shows are extreme but needed. I will not suggest these shows in houses where there are kids. Even teenagers who are light minded should not watch these shows. They are that graphic.

Well to conclude, I don’t know where stability is going to come from. I maybe in one place for more than a year now. But I am not getting the stability I am looking for. After more than 18 years of trying. I am not tired and I will not stop trying.  Someone should understand, there are no more time for games. Either you are with me or you are on your own, because as for me either you are the one or there is none.

Have a great week ahead everyone.

Monday morning I woke up late and got ready late and got stuck in the highway and got into work late. At times I am terrible in getting ready and getting out of home. The reason why I woke up late was I saw a dream and in it I saw I am trying to follow my brother and he is all walking around in long beard. I am talking about someone who shaves everyday. So I was trying to figure out what exactly that dream meant. Well.. I wasted considerable time for that and gave up. It was a long day, my work is crazy busy and I am not able to get anything 100% done. I was sketchy in explaining the status but my colleague saved me big time as she jumped in and explained things. Before I left office I checked a Astrology page. There was an interesting post there it went like this

 

“From the moment Sun entered Taurus on 19th April, coupled with the supportive emotional energy of the New Moon on 20th April [which trined Mars in Virgo]; everything has been leading to a special event today. The event is STABILITY. In each of our lives we all have THREE aspects that provide us with STABILITY; and we need EACH ONE in order to be STABLE.

        Each person according to their own persona has different things and aspects that creates stability in their lives. For some it is children, for others it is a home, for others it is plenty of money, for others it is plenty of food, for others it is being loved, for others it is happiness and for more spiritually enlightened it is inner peace, calmness and feeling a connection to the Divine. EVERYONE is different, hence something that gives me great stability might be awfully frightening and destabilizing in your life. Today, whatever that ONE aspect is – you will SEE IT in real life – and it will give you great stability. “

 

I smiled at myself when I was driving home. The time specified should start right after sunset as the person I believe followed Jewish traditions in his interpretations of the Astrological movements. I went home watched T.V and slept as usual.

Tuesday: I woke up late again.. this time I saw a dream much more clearly but as I know I should be at work very early I got ready fast. By the time I reached office I remember this much of the dream. A girl and me are in some sort of race or competition and she is not my opponent but she helps me win it. And I said to the world, See she likes, I knew it and now you all know it too. The girl is an integral part of the poet. Then I thought oooh this is the girl who left in protest and I said lot of weird things and wrote posts and poems and did BlogTV shows and in all these accused her as someone who betrayed my trust and all. I said to myself she is going to do something.  I never believed Astrology and Dreams totally. Still I said it. But after finishing the morning meetings I came and checked my phone and saw that a “Friend Request” I sent her after all the chaos is accepted and when I went to her site woot there was a long post saying her mind. I am not good at interpreting astrology or dreams… I went back and looked at the rest of the prediction. It doesn’t end there… see the rest

  “Nothing else will seem to matter or bother you; except focusing on this ONE ASPECT. And if you’re really blind or stupid – then you’ll have to wait until 24th April then you’ll WAKE UP and see what that ONE ASPECT is and it’s importance to your life. The SECOND stabilizing aspect of your life is going to make itself known to you on 29th April 2012 and the THIRD will be on 13th May 2012.”

   I laughed after reading this… because I am not a person who believes in tomorrow until that tomorrow comes and one ASPECT is pointing to couple of days in the future.. Interesting.

  The rest of the week went like the wink of my eye. Oooh.. I was thinking deep and hard…. About the return of the Jedi. Hehehe she knows exactly what I mean. Eventually, earlier today I wrote a long post just for her clearing some things from my side and asking her to clear some of my doubts. After all we are all humans, there are times we all emotionally explode and there are times we just learn to take a loss and walk away. One thing I can say….an emotional explosion will not happen from me again.

  In all it was an interesting week. Though the whole week kept me at the edge of the seat, one thing I understood, I am not good at multitasking anymore, especially when something like this goes on. I was not able to pay attention to my work much. I got some meetings done and got some documentation done. Now I am taking the rest home and hoping I find better answers and will be calm enough to finish some work things by Monday and next week is going to be more hectic.. Hopefully I may not have to deal with the poet in me much.

 

You all have a great weekend. I will tell how the weekend went on Monday’s Weekend Blog.

Lone.

 

Those who truly “Like” my writings, this is a must read post with a lot of explanation and a new Poem.

I wrote this poem out of sheer frustration. It was written sometime in the last week of March. I typed it in and then shredded the original to like a thousand pieces. Recently things changed dramatically. It is not easy to explain. I have to be very honest and open to you all here. The bubble girl is back in action. The conditions she set forth are reasonable and she gave me a choice, “Take it or leave it” I said I will take it. I am not going to set forth even one condition, because I don’t have any. The issue really was when I was trying to make a furious situation with her and to get that, in my twisted mind, I made up an idea that I will criticize what she love most and I did. The furious reaction came from her, and that made me happy. But unfortunately her protective friends saw this as a direct threat to her and called me all sorts of things. The mistake she did was, she totally forgot my intentions and started “Like”ing the things wrote at me. Of course instead of the fury of her, now I have my own fury at hand to deal with and it became a mess beyond my own control. If you trace back you can see my “spiteful, angry, emotional, regretful” comments and messages at her and her friends. I agree I said things I should have never even thought in my mind. I sincerely apologize to her and her friends for that. Despite all that she came back after reading a short story I wrote called “Legend Of A Peacock Feather”  I don’t know how many of my “thousands” of followers read that. Hehehe. I don’t see many views there. Despite the fact you folks add me as a friend, you folks won’t respond to me at all. Why do people add me as a friend is a mind boggling mystery they themselves don’t know.

      Now what is going to happen? The conditions she put forward are accepted and with strict discipline will be implemented in my future writings. I know what I am accepting is not an easy task as what I do is like the mechanics of a Radar, I throw some idea and when it gets a response (be it positive or negative) I make up a poem idea out of it and write a poem. It is not yet clear if that is even possible considering the conditions she put forward, because my understanding is, I am not allowed to make any personal reference to her, any reference to her art, poetry, music etc. and I am not allowed to criticize her friends at all as they are protecting her. So that leaves me with… …. ….. ….. ….  I think you folks got the point. Maybe she will give me a new way to be inspired by her.. believe me she is the best poet I’ve ever read.

    Enough about all that, I don’t want you folks to get caught up in some Facebook soap opera. Understand this, if you say one bad thing about her that will get you kicked out of my facebook page without even a question. My true authors community friends knows that very well and that’s why most of them don’t respond to many of my writings.

To conclude, The LonelyPoet will “protect” who he likes and make sure that person is respected by anyone who comes in contact with him. He doesn’t care whether anyone respects him or not, he can’t care if someone “protects” him or not, he is the “LonelyPoet” isn’t it?

Read The Poem And Enjoy It, If you “Like” it spread the word (Not like Legs is the word spread the word and try to go between the word) just share it with your friends. 

Journey To A Never Ending Daydream.

Waking up from a material dream I walked,
Oh’ away from the material life I walked,
Meaningless mockery of the material world I heard,
Peasant I am not in the matter of love,
As Godly love, in my heart and soul filled.

When by the doors of material love I walked,
Hearing verses in words of sweetness weaved,
Some with romantic intoxication filled,
Some with lust driven passions filled,
Oh’ the language of the heart by humanity given,
To extinction when words used, in actions became meaningless.

Ah’ in there some played music with emotions filled,
Each instrument a different emotion suggested,
Some danced in the tunes and rhythm of others,
Some danced looking at other’s moves,
All seemed prying on material hallucinations.

Passed many doors, many faces I saw, 
Sad at times I felt, angry at times I felt,
But there were moments when pleasant I felt,
As the verses and music and dance gave senses a beautiful nurture,
And hopes, dreams and wishes guided,
Grip of soul for many years mind lost,
Heart pounded in yearning to be loved untiringly.

That material world to accept I cannot,
And the door closed in winds of material naughtiness.
Turned back and looked at those paths through which passed,
Nothing to venture back for those bridges burned behind.

The lake not so far away I saw,
Locked and sealed the door tight and I walked,
To the lake, the never ending daydream,
Leaving drops of tears I never wanted to shed.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved-2012.

This is a pleasant day, and this day I finished a poem which is not really a pleasant one. But it is the truth I will live accepting, agreeing to certain rules I must follow and I will follow. I think apologies won’t work anymore maybe she is more gentle than I thought still felt the fire in her tone. Yes I apologize for all the wrong I said, for the anger I spilled and the emotional hurt I brought. But it was good that she decided to speak out during the time when the effigy of all my anger burned out and the ashes into dust dissolved. I promise I will never be angry.

  This poem is not easy to understand I started this yesterday and after I have gone through my work day which was interrupted by my constant visit to a certain site. I came back sat at my desk and after a long time I just typed the whole poem into my computer.

You all have a fantastic evening.

The Floating Effigies.

The small waves upon the foot rolled,
As face by the wind caressed,
The floating lilies around facial reflection danced,
As a smile with sarcasm filled, upon my face sprouted.

The ripples like dragon tails wagged,
As some rooster from far, lust filled screamed,
Oh’ the echoes of those screams drowned,
And lilies their dance continued.

Sitting by the shore I remembered,
A poem in melancholic thoughts I wrote,
About poems of many kinds I read,
And that poem on a lily leaf I wrote,
And in the lake waves to float I left.

Walked I further, beside the lake in the evening sun glittered,
And a floating plank of wood I found,
I recited aloud a poem in gladness I wrote,
That poem upon that piece of wood I wrote,
And in the lake waves to float I left.

Oh’ past I remembered when Sun beyond west dived,
And many memorable lines upon dead leaves I wrote,
And in the lake waves to float I left.

All that brought a wonderful face in every corner of soul filled,
All those floating leaves, wood planks like effigies near to me came,
When about the realities I thought,
The poem of that future in short waves of lake I wrote,
And left into the woods with darkness filled.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved-2012.

I speak not to you morning for her beauty you tried to steal,

I speak not to you O’ bird, for her tune in your songs I hear,

I speak not to you O’ sun, for her glory this morning you stole,

I speak to you O’ mind about her, the one darling, who filled you with a smile.

Friday came and Friday left, sunset I saw while driving by the vast Michigan lake. Two quarrelling sisters at home is not a wonderful thing to happen. But I literally fell on the floor laughing. The end result I fell asleep on the rug and they both slept in the two bedrooms on the first floor.

Saturday came, hmmm I don’t know when, but I woke up by about 11:00AM one sister gone.. the one who stayed, really enjoyed who I am. My anger management self therapy is great. I love myself more, I hate none, and I am not too lusty. The way I speak is more funny and people enjoy talking to me. I called the girl who stayed “sister” so it was a sex free weekend. She left after lunch and at about 2:00PM the other sister called and asked me if I am having sex with her sister. I told I am not in the business of having sex with girls half of my age.

She told “So you are looking for a girl around 30?”

I said “Sweetness, I am not looking for anyone, I looked, I found and I loved” then I took a deep sigh to swallow all the “F” words “C” words “B” words that came to my mouth when I thought about her friends. I smiled and said

“She didn’t looked at me, she did not found me and I don’t think she can ever love me”

Virtual sister went “Awww sorry to hear that”

I told “Good, good, there I talked the truth and you listened, now go and find a young boyfriend”

I hang up the phone and looked outside at my ever growing weed plantation.. When I say weed, it is wild grass not any marijuana. I thought I will get some more tools and went to Home Depot. It was very unusual for someone to come and ask me there, “Is there anything I can help you with?”

I told, “You can come and clear my backyard” he laughed and asked what kinda issues I have and I explained and shown a picture I took. I proposed a tool which I bought for $20. I also bought some house freshner which I can put into the air filter. My house doesn’t stink when I am not there so I needed some. At that time one of my old time friend with whom I came to USA. I promised him last week I will go to his place. I bailed out as it was getting late. I told him I will go to his place on Sunday afternoon.

Saturday night… no adventures or misadventures.. Sisters both called and I ended up conferencing them and it was fun to talk to them. Later I saw parts of different movies going on, on HBO and Showtime and fell asleep on the couch.

Sunday, I woke up seeing a bizarre dream. I am still analyzing that dream, so I cannot reveal anything about it yet. I ate breakfast and got ready and went to my friend’s place.. His private life I cannot say here. I came back home by about 6:45PM and sat before the T.V

Game of Thrones. Woooooo wooooo  I am loving the depiction of the story on screen There are some incredible developments and I loved the pace at which it is moving.

The Borgias… Another marvel from Showtime and I like very bit of that show.

Night I ate veggie pizza and slept Another morning of weird dream. This one was not that good either. In a nutshell I can say the message I got from this dream was, I am a good hearted person, but my actions hurt everyone I touch. So I may not really try to touch anyone anymore. The worst part, my own actions hurt me more than anyone else.

Have a great week ahead folks.. Love you all.

Lone.

 

Monday morning I asked myself, Do you know how love/romance works? I answered myself, it is all fiction man, all is fiction. Nothing ever happened in my life to say anything else. So I still took my pen and wrote and wrote and wrote all that came in my head. To a great extend it all looks, sounds and feels insane. Someone who is so focused on one person and writes and writes and writes then will come a word or phrase that he uses as a center point and then draws an image with words. No rules can stop him, or to say in another way no rules he should use to express what comes at that time. It is raw poetry. It is better for the verses to remain raw or the polish and shine he may give will change the felt meaning when it is expressed in a shined manner. Yeah, that’s how I write. I learned all the rules I can, before I decided not to follow any one of them.  

    The way I live is evolving. I used to be very angry then I read wise words and now slowly but steadily I am losing the habit of getting angry. How do I do that? I will not put myself in situations that make me angry. I am also learning to deal with ego, jealousy of any kind and the habit I need to get rid off bad language. Aaah’ Rome was not built in a day.

   Days flown away and almost everyday there is a feeding hand I love to see. She got a pretty hand too. There was one attempt I did a long time back, to get rid off the habit of dreaming. I became depressed.  Dreaming is good as long as it is only a dream. Reality is ugly, nasty and stinks beyond imaginations. Yet there are some who don’t understand the difference between a dreaming poet and a weeping lover.

Good Night and Good Luck my sweet friends, relatives and the one darling.

Have a great weekend!.

Lone.

 

I told this many, many times to my readers. If you know the style with which I write you will know the origin of this poem. If you can’t figure that out, read fast as all the poems in this site will be in protected mode editing. That will tell you what it is all about.
   I recently printed some pictures using my new printer. One of the pictures I printed was that of the model I use to write poetry. Most of these poems are hypothetical scenarios made with her in mind. When I printed her picture out and looked at it I automatically took the new pen I bought and wrote the following poem.

    Still it will take a life time for anyone to understand the truth in this poem.. The best part of that poet I used as a model? By the time she reaches the second stanza she will tell what the poem is all about. The worst part the poet I used as a model? Mmm I don’t think there is anything that bad except she thinks I am madly in love with her and all these poems I wrote are my real feelings. At least that’s what I think she is thinking. Hehehe.

   The LonelyPoet will remain Lonely. To be very honest with you, I only know how to write about love. I don’t try to earn love or love someone at a deeper level at all. That’s the truth.

 

Enjoy the poem

 

The Only Truth In My Life.

The dragging of my feet I felt,

Through the sands of beach none seen,

Where every bit of sand a dream unfulfilled,

Now under the feet of mine crushed,

Feet broken by your artistic transgressions.

 

A believer of your soul filled poetry,

A listener to your nightingale voice,

True faithful in the love with care you gave,

Ah’ your mockery of it all made a liar of me.

 

Yes, to my five senses I lied,

To every feeling they gave I lied,

To every one who sensibly listened I lied.

Ah’ I never loved you was a fictitious story to the world I told,

And I smiled along with those who smiled,

When deep inside a sobbing soul I held.

 

The magnificence of life all around us spread,

Time at me and you in mockery giggles,

Ah’ every moment to live more I pray,

Live more, to pray for you I pray.

 

Oh’ all my anger I left,

All my ego and pride I left,

All emotions through which many lies I told,

Oh’ left them all in penance for the ache I gave.

 

No more to the world I can lie,

No more to my senses I can lie,

My love for you is the only truth in my life,

And that truth forever will remain true,

Forever will remain true.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved 2012.

What a fantastic weekend… woot woot woot… Friday evening was all lawn moving and my mighty try to clean up my backyard where leaves of last fall is still sticking on to the ground. I call my backyard a desolate mess of addictive laziness. After nearly an hour of trying to get all the leaves out with a leaf blower then fork. I gave up and said aloud

“Leaves are good for the soil, let it all rot”

Saturday woot woot woot… someone unexpectedly came for a visit. All afternoon and evening went away like a micro second. Details cannot be given here as it maybe too explicit for kids.

Sunday morning visitor left I spent my time on the bed and later woke up had some sandwich she made and left for me on the table and looked outside and it looked as if a tornado is going to touch down. My neighbor wanted the tornado to touch down and destroy all homes except his, holding a quarter bottle whiskey he shouted,

“Riaz you lazy bastard cut all the lawn man, or I will cut it for you”

And he went away and later I saw him cutting another neighbors yard. I went out and shouted

 “Dude you are cutting the wrong yard”

As it started to rain he left his mover on the other yard and went back home. Alcohol is not a good thing but some people cannot live without it. None said that aloud but the echoes of the winds clearly said that.

Sunday evening, HBO, Showtime wooot wooooot wooooooot… Game Of Thrones is incredible. Like I predicted last year, the little girl who acts as Arya wow.. what an amazing performance. And in Showtime Borgias.. Oh’ c’mon the girl who acts as Lucrezia Borgia (Holliday Grainger) looked way too young to go naked. But it is an incredible story and the it is getting better and better.

Night went away without dreams. Answers never came, as no questions were asked. Time is not lazy, time is an untiring worker passing me by like an untouchable tempest.