Author: riazahammed

Arranging and re-arranging things in the apartment, watching rain,driving through rain and walking through rain. Day went by with all itsinsanity or my insanity for the day.
I comment on many sites on many different posts of people in xanga. IfI annoyed anyone through posts or replies my sincere apologies. I saidthis because someone told me so.
I am not going to post a poem but the lyrics of this great old song which I loved from the moment I heard it and still love it.

The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
and quikly he’s subdued
through constant pain disgrace
the young boy learns their rules

with time the child draws in
this whipping boy done wrong
deprived of all his thoughts
the young man struggles on and on he’s known
a vow unto his own
that never from this day
his will they’ll take away

what I’ve felt
what I’ve known
never shined through in what I’ve shown
never be
never see
won’t see what might have been

what I’ve felt
what I’ve known
never shined through in what I’ve shown
never free
never me
so I dub thee unforgiven

they dedicate their lives
to running all of his
he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
throughout his life the same
he’s battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see no longer cares
the old man then prepares
to die regretfully
that old man here is me

what I’ve felt
what I’ve known
never shined through in what I’ve shown
never be
never see
won’t see what might have been

what I’ve felt
what I’ve known
never shined through in what I’ve shown
never free
never me
so I dub thee unforgiven

you labeled me
I’ll label you
so I dub thee unforgiven

Forgive me my little friend.

Oh boy, what a wild week. The drive from Irving, Texas to Sterling, Virginia was one of my best drives ever. I’ve fallen in love with Arkansas. That place is flat and fits my dreams. I drove through, Memphis, the home of Elvis, stayed for a night there, I drove through Nashville, the capital of country music and altogether I am tired of being happy.

I did not updated for some days thinking that I can finish the poem “The Drive” but I am kinda stuck at a point or cannot link one part of the poem to another. I am really thankful to all of you for the great words of well wishes you all left in my site. I have a special thanks for Cristalite who visited LonelyPoet.Com and left some constructive comments and I owe her a lot for that.

Now here is an old poem I wrote a while back for you all to read and hope you all enjoy this.

Thanks all have a wonderful weekend.

God’s Wish.

Wander with peace of mind,
Between valleys and on country gravel roads,
Play like a kid on the shore,
Making sand castles and chasing little crabs,
Lay on the lawn with her in a summer night,
Between roses, kissing daffodils and her,
Marry the tall lean sweet heart of mine,
Give a little more kindness to innocent hearts,
Give a little more respect to my elders,
Be that sweet and great poet,
Who loves all and give them verse to share.
I said it all in my bed time prayer and slept.
Don’t know what woke me up,
May be a dream, may be its real,
Don’t know what I heard,don’t know what I saw,
Don’t know what touched me so deep,
But the feeling in the depths of my soul said,
       “God Wishes Otherwise”.

 ©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the summer of 1999.

Hi All,

I am resting now in preparation for the second leg of my wild ride. Tomorrow morning I am flying back to Texas to vacate my apartment and pick up my car. It will be a drive I hope to enjoy. I started writing a poem a while back called ‘The Drive’ for some reason I never felt it as a completed one. I may figure out a way to finish it in this two day long drive from Texas to Virginia.

I won’t online for couple of days so I thought I will just post a poem from my website LonelyPoet.Com. Recently I asked someone why he did not comment on my poems in LonelyPoet.Com he told me that I didn’t asked him to do so. So I am asking you all now to visit LonelyPoet.Com and comment on my works.

You all have a wonderful weekend and pray for me to have a safe and happy trip.

The Puppets Of Fate
The majestic sun all rolled up in glory,
Spreading warmth and light in every corner,
How many more dawns and dusks,
To see and sip in the feelings?
And how many more days to push away,
Looking at the sun, stars and the moon?
Like puppets going up and down.
They all stand witness to the uncertainty,
Of life, in all its complexity.
I am just another puppet of my own mistakes,
Handled by fate so far away from reality,
A heart filled with passions,
Fueled by wishes that fill in every nerve,
They are parasites who knows no reality,
But bear fruit evil;
And life disappears before every wish,
But feelings that sprout out of reality,
They linger deep inside with sanctity,
Though put to sleep in the awe,
Of the unpredictable games of fate,
Leaving imaginations to rule the reality of life,
Imaginations have become a cancer for the mind,
And faith in all good ever existed,
Blinding sight in the unbearable silence,
When I sung a song in the rhythm of my own heart,
To drag my consensus out of the fear of silence,
“Oh’ how many more times I wake
The feelings deep in sleep,
And forced to put them back to sleep again,
Singing a rhyme of pathos of the unloved?”

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. Poem was first written during a flight to Amsterdam from Kuwait on my way to United States from India in April 2002, later re-written in Overland Park, Kansas in the fall of 2004.
 

Today a tiring day at work looking at programs and presentations and a lot of talking. I really don’t know why I am here and what I should do to make me feel better. I am preparing for the second half of the wild ride. Saturday morning I am flying back to Irving, Texas to leave my apartment there, take my car and drive back to Virginia. Today I got an apartment here in Virginia and it costs more than double the rent I was paying in Texas. I could’ve saved money by staying with someone but considering my sleeping, smoking and talking habits, it is better for me to pay more and live as myself.
    I did not touched the other poem I am working on today but I always have something for you my Xanga family. Here is a poem from the chapter I called “She” that is the last woman I really loved but I ended up empty handed and broken hearted. This poem was written when I hated love, but it was spoken from a heart filled with love and eyes filled with tears. Visit LonelyPoet.Com to read the whole chapter with 23 poems.

Dawn To Dusk.
The morning woke up from the sleep,
With the warm caressing of the sun,
Darkness seems lost so deep,
In the ocean of light all around.
Into the morning mist I walk,
With thought that weaves dreams,
Dreams for the day to carry on;
Never wanted to live in a fantasy,
But was never out of it,
Never ever felt the reality,
Of love, of care and true passions,
Never found a way around it,
And still on a search in this crawling life,
To find a way to reality.
Though I see you only in my dreams,
I know you’re just not a dream;
But the touch of love I felt,
That will last far beyond my life,
Soothes my fears and pain,
And fills every moment of the day,
With thoughts about you in every way,
And I miss the charm of the day,
With the charm of you that sway,
A heart and soul that lives with hopes,
To see the light of just your love.
The tired sun takes his mighty dip,
Into oblivion leaving horizons bleeding
,And my hopes remains as it is;
I feel the cold hand of the nightfall,
I hear the growl of the aging owl,
And in this starless night I see,
Darkness creeping into every soul,
Filling in every corner of the world,
And warns me once more of the end of time,
But my feelings brightens with this thought,
Even the end of time will not,
Fill any darkness between our souls.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the winter of 1999.
 

Hi, all, my xanga family, I felt deep the curiosity of all of you. Let me first say my sincere thanks to you all for the great well wishes for me in my new job and my cousin who is still struggling to regain her memory.

My cousin is still having memory problems, she asked for me who left India more than 7 years ago and have no memory of me leaving India. The sad part was she asked for my dad who died 12 years ago. She have no memory of my dad’s death either. But there is hope, as she recognizes her children who were born after my dad’s death. She keeps on talking things that have no connection to reality. But prayers and faith sure will get her out of this mess.

About my move, as usual something that can happen in a simple manner got into all sorts of complications. I was supposed to get into a plane at Dallas/Fort Worth airport at 6:45PM and the manager of the company that arranged the assignment told me to call him so that I can leave my car with him. He made a mistake when he told the phone number, he said 517 instead of 571 and I was calling him from 5:30PM onwards with no answer. At last at 6:10PM he called me and then I left the car at his place and we were rushing through the traffic to the airport. Alas, the check in close exactly when we reached there. I got bumped to another flight to Atlanta, the problem is there is no connection and I need to spent the whole night in the airport. The manger guy was almost pleading to me to go as they need someone to start on Thursday. I agreed and got into the airport. Then comes another problem. As I am a Muslim who changed the flight at the last minute, I got strip searched… I don’t think those guys might’ve slept for another couple of days. When I reached Atlanta a flash came to my mind with a name Kim Thomas my old buddy in India who now lives in Atlanta, we haven’t seen for nearly 8 years and I called him when I landed in Atlanta. He came and picked me up and we spent the whole night talking about the stories of all these years. The next day morning I got on to the plane to Dulles and now I am here in Virginia.

As for the new poems I always promised, I finished one. It was a request from a young and pretty friend here in Xanga. This is what she requested…”something exotic…wild..
about forgiveness, the hardships of life.. “. It was a great request. Fitting what I’ve gone through. This poem is a decentralized one, there is no central theme. It only speaks about the feelings. But I hope you all will enjoy it.

Thanks again my little family here. I love you all.

Scattered Dreams.

The feelings of dreams unfulfilled,
Flow through veins burning,
Every corner senses can feel,
As days pass me by,
Unknown about my existence.

All the emotions and the feelings that sprout,
From deep inside, deep in a forest grows,
Like that flower in vivid colors blossomed,
But unnoticed and uncared tall she stands,
In the shade even the spring rain missing,
To feel the touch of her adoration.
The humming birds and bees,
Around her they fly and admire,
Color and the sweetness taste,
Of the honey she offer,
But none felt the beatings of her fragile heart.
Only the tears of that flower wets the roots,
And fertilizes the dreams for her to see.
The emotions and feelings scatter,
Like the pollens of that flower unknown.

Oh’ none of the emotions and feelings scattered,
Connect to the thoughts of loved ones,
Parents, relatives and friends,
Who loves me even in my imperfections,
And they are lost in those imperfections,
Care and love in scrutiny defined,
Every moment of life bound in obligations,
And those things I feel the perfect me,
Unheard, unseen, unfelt and remains rusted. <>

Into all those eyes filled with care,
How will I look,
And live to fit in a life with deceptions,
Unloved and uncared by my conscience?
And how long will I suppress,
And live for the day in frustrations,
And wait for that day when I will stand,
Upon my own dreams in fulfillment?

There are those days to come,
When with the forgiveness of all those who loved,
For all the deceptions and in the forgiveness
Of mine to all those who forget to understand,
I will be a dream fulfillment,
With you nearby, a realization,
Of the gathering of all those pollens.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM.

Hi All,
  I will be out for couple of days.. I think.. I will explain indetail what is going on. I am going on a wild ride…. nothing special.Today I was assigned in a new job in Virginia and I have to report inVirginia tomorrow morning on a new assignment. I don’t know where I amgoing to work and what I am going to do.
Anyway once I get settled I will respond to all your replies and post more poems.
Peace And Love
.
 

A dead day, in which nothing happened. Well… there were a lot of phone calls nothing but waste of my air-time that’s all they were. I was loading the poetry database from one server to another and it got stuck as the hosting company started a back up in between. So that also did not worked out well. But my spirits are high. I have seen a lot of days like this.

Here is an update on my cousins situation. She is 42 and got pregnant with the fifth child. During one of the morning sickness bouts somehow a nerve to her brain got ruptured and created a clot. She is now conscious but have memory problem. Her condition is serious but stable.

Today I took back the poems I was working on, it still needs a lot of modifications, so here is an old poem taken from LonelyPoet.Com

Beating Of The Wings

Long days, long walks,
To unknown destinations,
Short nights, clouds deny the beauty,
But weariness drags mind and soul,
To sleep and sleep to dreams.

Upon the tree she sits,
Singing tune after tune,
Sweet as the honey in her belly,
And in her tunes she means,
These words to be sung to my sweet heart,

“My heart is telling, you are mine,
My soul is telling, its not alone,
And you are telling, I am all yours,
Among all these to whom shall I listen to,
Your innocence tells,
I should listen to you,
I should listen to you my sweet heart”

The fallen dead branch killed my dream,
But my sharp ear heard,
The beating of the wings going far away.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. The poem was released on the web in LonelyPoet.Com in the winter of 1998.

There is a calm out there, twisted confusion, crooked people, good people, happy people, sad people you name it they are all out there. But when walking through the mall I felt these are the moments truth. I survived that too.

What a day I had, well… nothing happened. All the things I thought is going to happen just procrastinated, when I was driving and got stuck at the first red light I know what this day is going to be.

Intuition… mine only speaks to me about the negative side of life. Well I am glad this day is gone now. The sun losing his hair looks like red bald monster. There is wind I don’t even know what direction it is blowing. But I am deaf…. I only hear my own whispers. Just got this one in my mind.

Read….

The Wandering Storm

Over the calm ocean dancing,
With fury and arrogance,
Is the storm that threatens everything,
His laughs are echoed around the horizon,
His anger thunder upon the strongest mounts,
His compassion rains and cools the valley,
Up he goes to kiss the sky,
Down he comes shattering everything beneath,
The naughty storm so unpredictable,
Changing speed, color and landscapes,
For months away he hides,
And swims back to fulfill his fun,
Many times unleashing the wrath of revenge,
Against the sins of the material world.
I watched him many-a-times,
I walked through him couple of times,
But I always laughed at the storm and with the storm,
As my understanding of all he is,
Takes me a step closer to myself.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM.

Not the best of the day today, but I will remember it for sometime. I got IM from my brother in India that my cousin is badly sick and was in ICU after her nervous system collapsed. She is now out of ICU but still bedridden and have hallucinations. She is one wonderful lady who leads a simple life, my prayers are for her and I hope you all pray for her too.

As for new poems I am still working on it but most of my day was spent on thinking about family and friends. Especially two of my best friends from school who are no longer alive. I always believed myself as a fearless person but these are times when I feel the fear of losing people I love from my life.

I am going to post another poem from my site LonelyPoet.Com.

Thanks all

Peace and Love.

The Poem.

From the first words of mine,
Step by step I thrived to you,
Sometime like an Arabian horse I ran,
Away from the mother tongue, so different,
Like a Roman fighter I fought,
To kill the inner and outer blocks I’ve had,
Nourished and adored the artist child in me,
With sounds of nature that aroused,
Visions out of dreams that kept me live,
Merging my senses on to you,
From the lusty passions I escaped,
But inside burns a desire,
That turns into pain that melts,
A heart and soul abandoned,
And throws senses to the limits of sanity,
Hiding the feelings and pain,
With a smile of sarcasm I welcome,
A world into my lonely life,
Life that circles in cycles of repetitions,
With morality torn and happiness gone,
When fallen tired in the whirlpool,
With thirst for perfection;
Blown into my senses like a cool wind in summer,
You came to me like a melody unheard,
Inspiring mind and soul to express,
The colors and sounds and taste,
In words that express the love in my heart,
Which none else will hear but,
The heart it meant to be will feel,
No matter how far,
No matter it’s dead or alive,
Verses so perfect will even make a frozen soul pray,
When even dust perishes away,
After the dooms day,
Let souls of great lovers hear,
Hear the echo of mine whisper you,
Until we all takes the eternal sleep.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the winter of 1999.


This is the lyrics of a song called “Breaking My Heart” By a Danish band called Michael Learns To Rock. I heard this song when I was in India about 10 years ago. The reason why I am posting it here is one of my former collegue called about 3 hours ago and said, its over for him and his girl friend. I was out of speach for sometime and just now I remebered the song and thought many of the visitors may be interested in the lyrics of this song.

I’m on the floor
counting one minute more
No one to break the silence

Staring into the night
all alone but that’s alright
It’s the feeling deep inside I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
counting the words you’ve said
They linger in the shadows

Coming home late at night
drunk again but that’s alright
It’s the look in your eyes I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

This is the lyrics I found on the web if there is any mistake in it please bear with me.
Thanks.

It’s the weekend, wooo… nothing exciting happening, my phone sitting there silent, my IM’s smiling at me mockingly with no sound, and my mail notification pops up every now and then saying in my own voice “DOH..The Mail Is Here” leaving another junk mail in my mailbox.
I am still not happy with some parts of the new poem I am writing. Maybe I may have to get into the mindset of a much younger person. Which is not easy… lol.
But I am not going to leave you guys empty handed on this beautiful weekend. I hope you guys are doing great like me enjoying being yourself.
I wrote this poem in 2000 naming it ‘Age Of Survival’ and one day when I publish all my poems as a book this will be the name of that book. This is only the first part of a three part poem if you want to read the rest of it you need to go to LonelyPoet.Com and read the rest of it. But this part stand on its own. I hope you all enjoy this one.
Thanks a billion for the great comments all .
You all have a wonderful weekend evening.

Age Of Survival
Part One. Cocoons.
The little hearts I see on the streets,
They tell me how innocent I was,
The beginning of imaginations I remember,
And those imaginations weaving the cocoons,
In which I kept my dreams one by one,
Dreams about small things and big things,
About the world I live and the world unseen;
Dreams about my love and the love I get,
Dreams about life here and hereafter.
Of all the cocoons I kept in my subconscious,
All became beautiful butterflies,
And live around me as my life,
Except the one in which I kept the love I get,
Which became a beautiful butterfly,
But flown far away, so far away from my eyesight,
Leaving the rest, just to die and rot away.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the summer of 2000.