Home Of The LonelyPoet

Hello all,
   I forgot to say the last survey was a survey and at least two have started reading it as poem and got really confused. I apologize for that. Here is another survey courtesy to Mo Cuishle.

Don’t worry poetry lovers, I will be posting a poem later in the evening.

Alrighty.

I have lived through 86 things out of 158

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.

[2 ] I have been to Europe.
[3] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[] I have been snowboarding/skiing.

[4] I have played ping pong.
[] I swam in the ocean.
[5] I have been on a whale watch.
[6] I have seen fireworks.

[7] I have seen a shooting star.
[8] I have seen a meteor shower.
[] I have almost drowned.
[9] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[10] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there
[11] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[12] I currently have a job.
[] I have been ice skating.
[] I have been rollerblading.
[13] I have fallen flat on my face.

[14] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[15] I have been in a fist fight.
[16] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[17]I have watched the power rangers.

[ ] I do attend Church regularly.
[] I have played truth or dare.
[18] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[19] I have already had my 17th birthday.

[20] I’ve called someone stupid. And meant it.
[21] I’ve been in a verbal argument.
[22] I’ve cried in school.
[ ] I’ve played basketball on a team.

[] I’ve played baseball on a team.
[] I’ve played football on a team.
[23] I’ve played soccer on a team.
[ ] I’ve done cheerleading on a team.
[] I’ve played softball on a team.
[] I’ve played volleyball on a team.

[ ] I’ve played tennis on a team.
[] I’ve been on a track or cross country team.
[] I’ve been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[] I’ve bungee jumped.

[] I’ve climbed a rock wall.
[24] I’ve lost more than $20.
[25] I’ve called myself an idiot.
[26] I’ve called someone else an idiot.
[27] I’ve cried myself to sleep.
[28] I’ve had (or have) pets.

[29] I’ve owned a spice girls cd.
[] I’ve owned a britney spears cd.
[] I’ve owned an N*Sync cd.
[30] I’ve owned a backstreet boys cd.

[ ] I’ve mooned someone.
[31] I’ve sworn at someone in authority.
[] I’ve been in the newspaper.
[] I’ve been on TV.

[] I’ve been to Hawaii.
[32] I’ve eaten sushi.
[33] I’ve been on the other side of a waterfall.
[34] I’ve watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. (In a ROW!)
[35] I’ve watched all the Harry Potter movies.

[36 I’ve watched all of the Rocky movies.
[] I’ve watched the 3 stooges.
[37]I’ve watched “Newlyweds” Nick & Jessica.
[38]I’ve watched Looney Tunes.
[] I’ve been stuffed into a locker.

[39] I’ve been called a geek.
[40] I’ve studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[] I’ve not studied at all for a test and aced it.

[]I’ve hugged my mom with the past 24 hrs.
[] I’ve hugged my dad within the past 24 hours. (Lol, I don’t have one to hug.)
[41] I’ve met a celebrity/music artist.
[42] I’ve written poetry.
[43] I’ve been arrested.

[44] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me.
[45] I’ve been tickled till I’ve cried.
[] I’ve tickled someone else until they cried.
[46] I’ve had/have siblings.
[47] I’ve been to a rock concert.

[48] I’ve listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[49] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve been picked last in gym class.
[] I’ve been picked first in gym class.
[] I’ve been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[] I’ve cried in front of my friends.
[50] I’ve read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[] I’ve played Halo 2.
[51] I’ve freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I’ve been to Alaska.

[ ] I’ve been to China.
[ ] I’ve been to Spain.
[ ] I’ve been to Japan.
[52] I’ve had a fight with someone on AIM
[53] I’ve had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[54] I’ve had serious converstations on any IM.

[55] I’ve forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[56] I’ve been forgiven.
[57] I’ve screamed at a scary movie.
[] I’ve cried at a chick flick

[58] I’ve watched a lot of action movies.
[59] I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I’ve been to a rap concert.

[ ] I’ve been to a hip hop concert.
[60] I’ve lived in more than 2 houses.
[61] I’ve driven on the highway
[62] I’ve driven more than 40 miles in a day
[63] I’ve been in a car accident

[ ] I’ve done drugs.
[64] I’ve been homesick.
[65] I’ve thrown up
[ ] I’ve puked all over someone.
[66] I’ve been horseback riding.

[] I’ve filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[67] I’ve spoken my mind in public.
[68] I’ve proved someone wrong.
[69] I’ve been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I’ve broken a leg.
[ ] I’ve broken an arm.
[70] I’ve fallen off a swing.
[71] I’ve swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[72] I’ve watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[] I’ve forgotten my backpack when I’ve gone to school.

[] I’ve lost my backpack.
[73] I’ve come close to dying.
[74] I’ve seen someone die.
[75] I’ve known someone who has died.
[] I’ve wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. (Got to be one…woo.)

[] I’ve done modeling/movie acting.
[76] I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[77] I’ve taken something/someone for granted.
[78] I’ve realized how good my life is.
[79] I’ve counted my blessings.

[80] I’ve made fun of a classmate.
[81] I’ve been asked out by someone and I said no.
[82] I’ve asked someone on a date and been turned down.

[83] I’ve slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I’ve been skateboarding.
[84] I’ve been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[85] I’ve lied to someone to their face.
[] I’ve told a little white lie.

[86] I’ve taken a day off from school just so I don’t go insane.
[] I’ve fainted
[] I’ve had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[] I’ve pushed someone into a pool.
[] I’ve been pushed into a pool

Now count how many things you checked and repost this as”I have lived through (number) out of158 things”

The true ones.

APPEARANCE
I am shorter than 5’4.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance. 
I Have/I’ve had braces. had.
Wear glasses/contacts
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.

FAMILY/HOME LIFE
I’ve sworn at my parents. 
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I’ve lost a child.

SCHOOL/WORK
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do my homework.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my job.
I’ve been fired.
I’ve skipped school.

EMBARRASSMENT
I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.

HEALTH
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve gotten stitches.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.

TRAVELING
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.

EXPERIENCES
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten Sushi.(Hated it big time)
I’ve been snowboarding.

RELATIONSHIPS
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve had someone cheat on me.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of commitment.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve cheated in a relationship.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I love to flirt.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.           

                                                                              

HONESTY/CRIME
I am a terrible liar.
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve snuck out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game. CEILING!
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve shoplifted.

DEATH & DYING
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.(never hated this, I always respect the dead and pray for them irrespective of religious belief)
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

MATERIALISM
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on e-bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.

POLITICAL/SOCIAL ATTITUDES
In general, I don’t like people.
I’m a feminist.
I’m very outgoing.
I listen to political music
I’m Democratic.
I’m Republican.
I’m liberal.
I don’t like Bush because he is dumb. 
I don’t like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
I am for Bush. Mostly.
I’m religious.
I dress fairly modestly.
My attitude is, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

 RANDOM
I can sing well. ( I used to sing well, Malayalam Songs, well 18 years of smoking almost killed me)
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news.
I don’t kill bugs.
I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
I curse regularly. More so when I’m upset.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
I’m a snob about grammar.
I am a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I have “x”s in my screen name. 
I love being neat
I’ve had Spam.
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I know how to shoot a gun.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate. 
I bite my nails.
I play video games. PC games.
I’m good at remembering faces.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
My answers are totally honest.

 I
used to play PC as well as Video games. When my nephew beat me once I
said “yeah time to grow up idiot” never played anything again.

 

I
am good at remembering names and faces but age is catching up with me
fast. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep up with the fast
moving world.

 

Even though I know what I need to do the rest of my life. It may change a bit. I am not sure yet.

 

Even
though I write a lot about love, I lost all my confidence in being a
good lover. May be my whole attitude is wrong. What the heck, I am
already 37… Like I said in a comment. I am too old for most women.
haha

 

I waited to see what happens today, Valentine’s Day…..haha. I don’t
know how many of you have noticed that it happens to be my birthday.
It’s okay, I know all will forget to say a birthday wish but end up
saying “Happy Valentines Day”. Anyway, I thought I will say it after
the day is over and it is officially over for me here in East Coast.

Here is a poem I wrote in my usual style. Enjoy if you can or call me a bad name and give your love a kiss.

Alter Not.

Alter not, O mind from the path, seen,
Though the face you saw still a shape in fog,
Dragging you away from where you want,
Alter not, as love in perfection seen in her eyes,
Alter not, in the contamination of any thoughts,
As another face seen along.

The meanings interpreted not,
As words means nothing to actions,
Give her every means to understand,
The depths of yours with love filled,
For her as who she is and will be.

Oh’ I sung those verses in many tunes,
To my own mind many-a-times,
What is love? I understand not anymore,
Among the many, many questions lost,
My mind and with tearful eyes I watch,
The remnants of a long lost winter wrath.

Are those tears of sadness for all the snow flakes lost?
Or a welcome happy tear for another spring time fest?
Oh’ my mind prepare to dance with the wind from west,
As the face from the fog takes,
The shape of a thousand dancing daffodils,
And tulips, and roses and jasmine, bidding,
To be in the eyesight of the love of a sweetheart,
Maybe still asleep in the passions of youth.

To all those who wished me luck and offered their blessings in getting
my visa extended my sincere thanks. In a record three days the United
States Citizenship And Immigration Services approved and extended my
visa. Yesterday I got the news from my new company guys and I am still
busy with work sorry for the delay in getting a happy news to you guys.
 Now like she said in one of her comments, this may sound
redundant but sure, I can’t stop saying my thanks to Sam Nolte for her
offering of every ounce of her luck for me. She though says she lives
for herself, sure is the most selfless teenager I have ever known. I
will thank her rest of my life who offered such support to a total
stranger whom she knew only through the internet. May all the best
things be showered upon her in every endeavor she ever takes. Thanks Mo
Cuishle.
  And to you all wow you are the most wonderful people I’ve ever
met. You all have the best of best in the fulfillment of your dreams.
Thanks everyone.

I posted a poem called “Reading Poems” last week here. This is a
variation of that poem it was written a day after that poem was
written, with the same thoughts in my mind.

Folded Hands.

Unfettered belief in mind about love,
Convincing beyond every reason,
With unfelt feelings made up in pursuit,
For a little comfort in loneliness.

Love is the light from the heart, un-flickering,
Turn away or have to walk away with eyes shut,
But, too bright is the truth of love,
Blinded too by thoughts about her in wonder.

Even when in the heart knowing,
Like the biography of her own life,
Everything in my words I mean,
Oh’ her eyes closed against her will in guilt,
When an image of mine her eyes delivered,
Deep into her mind embedded,
With a smile of my love,
As deep in her heart filled in,
Was another face seen in every bit of her life.

With folded hands I lie,
And life folded to a breath or two,
As no more reason known at all,
To breathe life without her in my life,
And no reason seen at all,
In seeing the light from another heart,
As the light of my love fade,
Deep into the folds of my heart.

No new poems, still working on the next part of “Tess Of The
D’Urbervilles”. Well Amy Mozo and lovelyblue I love you both for taking
time to read the Tess poems and telling me what you think about the
poem. And all others who commented, I love you all too. Many asked me
what happened in my life in the last week. Well… like I said in the
previous post I just don’t feel like saying anything. I wrote two poems
after that. Both were first posted on MySpace.Com. Sam, wrote a
touching comment there for this poem. She is one wonderful person who
indeed has a pacifying effect on me when I am sad or angry. Thanks
again a lot Sam. I wrote another poem after that which is also there.
Here is the intro and the first poem.

 This is a poem I wrote after feeling disappointed. After all that
I have become I still miss something. The emptiness is vast. The
sadness a bit too much to endure. That was the thought. Well… I went in
an entirely different direction to tell my point. Haha enjoy.

 I will re-write this poem once I was able to cope up with my
feelings. I will also get to regular commenting this weekend. I am also
very busy with my work. Sorry for not much of commenting on your sites.

Reading Poems.

In my life many poems I have read,
Poems of nature filled with comfort,
Poems of patriotism filled with bravery,
Poems of humanity that spoke to my mind.

O’ the poems of courage I read,
That made me stand up to my fears,
Poems of beauty which inspired,
Another hundred lines of verse in mind.

The poems of truth and virtue I read,
Oh’ wonderful they were in holding my conscience.
The verses with imaginations filled,
Forever in dreams imprisoned my mind.

Poems of hope, betrayal, brotherhood,
Poems of regret, remembrance, renewal,
Verses that enchanted generations in prayers,
O they all with life in flight, consumed,
The humble life of mine to infinite patterns.

Then one day at a blank page looked,
Into that page I wrote a poem,
That spoke about all the poems of love I read,
A poem written looking at images in mind of a beauty unseen.

O’ that poem I wrote was about you,
The wonderful poem I loved always to read,
Those were all my words I read,
But all those words from my mind erased,
And pages burned in the flames of pain,
When you spoke another name instead of mine.

I just don’t know how to put it. Taking some words from this poem below, I will just say something.

 There is no anger in me, though there something that happenedwhich I can’t endure at this moment. In time I may come in terms withlife and probably will be able to endure it.

Here are the previous phases.

Tess Of TheD’Urbervilles. Phase The First–The  Maiden.

Tess Of TheD’Urbervilles-Phase The Second–Maiden NoMore

Tess Of TheD’Urbervilles-Phase The Third–The Rally.

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles Phase The Fourth–The Consequence.

The following poem is only half of the fifth phase. I broke this phaseinto two poems. The second part of this phase in which Tess goes into aplight to find work with the hopes and love is the most touching butthe most descrptive part of the novel. I have relied a lot on Hard’stext to write both poems. I will post the second part of the fifthphase sometime in the weekend.

TessOf The D’Urbervilles Phase The Fifth-TheWoman Pays.

In perfection silence performed the ballet,
After she finished her narrative,
Even the fire wood don’t crackle anymore,
Angel slowly stirred the fire,
Out of your mind are you? He asked Tess,
In a tone she never heard him speak,
The new-sprung child of nature he dreamt,
Now sitting at his foot for his mercy,
All the love that wrung up his heart in madness,
Among the rolls of candle smoke disappeared.

Tess on the floor, in tears, for forgiveness pleaded,
Though it was easy for her to forgive him,
All progressiveness abandoned Angel Clare,
He burst into to hellish laughter,
As declared he, that she is not the woman he loved,
But another woman in her shape.
Peasant by birth now peasant in words,
Tess could only repeat what Angel spoke,
At his legs again and again she pleaded,
And told him she’ll do anything he says,
Even if that is to lie down and die.
For which he told her to find harmony,
Between the present mood self-sacrifice,
And her past mood of self-preservation.

In Talbothays nothing stood between,
These two lovers in their love for each other,
Nothing in flesh and blood dared to question,
Such purest form of love they found,
Even Tess never thought that the character,
Of honesty can wipe away his love for her,
Leaving never ending streams of tears in her eyes.

Sarcastic remarks from Angel Clare,
And her pleading in her own distraction,
Saying things that would have better left to silence,
Her childish pleas went unheard,
Her justifications backfired,
Angel ended up calling her,
“The belated seedling of an effete aristocracy”.
To which she offered to end her life,
Leaving something to show her suicide,
For that he told her another mockery,
That he don’t want to add murder to his follies.

Tess went to bed alone, in grief.
Sadness, frustration and fear,
Consumed her into sleep,
In a chamber filled with the aromatic stillness,
A bride’s chamber once possibly,
Of her own useless ancestry.

Hellish were the days that followed,
Than anyone ever imagined,
Angel questioned her honesty in error,
Deep in his own conscience,
Where Tess had no advocate in defense,
And the gulf between them every hour widened.

How can we live together when that man lives?
Argued Angel Clare with convictions,
What if the future generations known,
About her past and what ill will come of it?
Angel questioned Tess.
Oh’ the same questions she should’ve asked,
But none came to that pure soul,
As every moment the rest of life she vowed,
To preserve the sanctity of their love.

What to do? What to do? To oneself, Angel asked.
Tess and Angel pushed through days,
Angel went to a nearby mill to learn,
The millers business for his future farm.
Tess engaged herself in kitchen work,
And in tears waited for Angel to return,
And he came back and saw her cook,
“You mustn’t work like this,
You are my wife not my servant” said he,
Indeed in name I am honored,
And don’t need anything more, said she,
What do you mean? Angel asked with no surprise,
Tess with all the strength and intelligence she can gather,
Told Angel holding her breath,
The respectability you looked for,
I didn’t have and told so long ago,
It is you who urged and urged,
Me to agree and she broke into sobs,
Any man but Angel Clare would’ve,
Had a melted heart in those sobs,
Like a vein of metal in a soft loam,
His logics deposited in his mind.

Tess lost her own cause,
When the matters of future generations came,
To Angel Clare’s view she agreed,
Oh’ what only hurts me now,
Will torture and kill me then, said she.
There were no more complaints,
And none were there to argue for their love,
Except on one occasion from Tess,
No advances from either to the other,
And for the one time for a kiss she wished,
Away he turned in unkindness,
The lips he once wished to kiss,
A kiss he always dreamt to fulfill,
Dissolved into thin air with the winter cold.

Irreconcilable became every word they said,
A future unbearable to think about,
Every bit of future he thought,
Filled with the purity of a virgin Tess,
Never he could imagine in a hoyden impure,
As every logic failed her in his mind.

In honesty Tess could not tell Angel to remain,
As his nightly somnambulistic raids,
Once took her to the nearby graveyard,
Which shook her beyond reason in belief,
For his own good and her safety,
That together they can’t stay.
O on that night in fate written,
When by strong influence,
Of some force disturbing,
Up to the chamber where Tess slept,
Angel Clare walked upstairs in his sleep.

Angel came near Tess and in sadness murmured,
‘Dead, dead, dead!’ “My poor Tess, my darling Tess,
So pure, so good and so true”.
Those words of affection in waking hours he withheld,
Filled her hungry heart and still like a doll she laid,
Waited to see what with her he was going to do.

“My wife, dead, dead!” said he,
As in a sheet Angle rolled Tess,
Like a dead body and out of the chamber carried,
Then for a moment he leaned with her against rails,
As if he was going to throw her downstairs,
But awake or asleep Tess’s confidence in him was deep,
She remained unmoved with a feeling of luxury,
Of Angel carrying her a second time in her life,
Than with any terror in her mind as she wished,
If they both could fall, how fit and how desirable.
But for her surprise he bended over and imprinted,
Upon her lips a kiss deep in her heart she felt.
Lips these days in daytime he scorned.

Angel in his sleepwalk, into the night carried Tess,
Towards the gushing river nearby,
Ah’ What Angel was dreaming Tess understood,
That old fateful Sunday morning when he carried,
All the dairymaids across the flooded roads,
The first time Angel touched Tess with affection,
Now though sleepwalking the same affection petrified her.

Though the bridge so narrow,
Angel in his sleepwalk still managed to cross,
Towards the old Abbey mill church,
Angel carried her to the graveyard,
Where in an old opened empty grave he laid,
Tess with utmost care and kissed her a second time,
Then laid down beside the grave into deep sleep.

The excitement in Tess drained away,
As the mild winter cold shivered,
Tess through light sheet Angel rolled her in,
Tess sat up in the coffin in thoughts,
And suddenly went to her husband,
And into his ear in a firm whisper said,
“Let us walk on darling” and his hand she took,
Like an obedient child Angel followed her,
And she took him back to the mansion,
Without much effort she laid Angel,
Upon his own sofa bed where he slept.

The next morning though Angel felt the weariness,
Nothing of the night Tess revealed,
As too much may be the feeling of embarrassment,
When in his unconscious what he did,
His common-sense disapproved,
And also the thought of a bit of pride,
Not to take advantage of an opening,
So narrow somewhere in his unconscious sleeps.

O’ that night though so bizarre,
The affections of Angel to Tess revealed,
Though only half an hour lasted,
Enough for a lifetime of memories.

Though Angle wanted not to initiate,
A separation between him and Tess,
Agreed he that it was better for them to part,
As alone he will be able to see things better,
And to Tess he promised that he will write,
Once his mind find a better shape of all he heard.

Angel to her one last time spoke,
Told her between them there was no anger,
Though there in his heart remain,
Something he cannot endure,
Which he will try to bring,
Himself to endure away from her.
He told her not to join him,
Until he will come and join her,
And write him she should,
Only in illness or in want.
Tess in pain only could repeat,
Some of his words in her acceptance,
And told him he best knows,
The punishment of her wrong,
But pleaded to him not to make,
The punishment more than she can bear,
And away they parted in to cold.

Angel at his departing wife looked,
As her carriage at the corner turned,
And said “God’s NOT in his heaven:
 all’s WRONG with the world!”.

Tess to her Marlott home went,
To the surprise of her mom,
Between the tearful sobs she told,
All that happened between her and Angel Clare.
Ever forgiving mother called her a fool,
For telling him her bygone past,
And they waited for Mr. Durbeyfield
The link between Tess and the D’Urberville chain.
Upstairs she went upon his arrival,
Joan told him about her return,
Anger and sadness filled his mind,
And in helplessness he asked his wife,
“D’ye think he really have married her?
-or is it like the first–“.
Slanderous doubts of her own dad,
Choked her inside her own home,
A few days she gave her there,
Until she got a note from Angel Clare,
Which as a precedence used, to join,
Her estranged husband sometime late,
And she once more bade farewell,
To her birthplace and all he loved.

Angel Clare back to the Vicarage went,
Where lie after lie he told,
To convince his mom and dad,
The spotless character of his darling wife.
Though many a time in his heart felt,
That he acted in haste and unkindness,
Still a strong dark cloud remained,
Covering reasons that can change his mind,
But his was not a heart with lead sealed,
As everything squeezed him in suffocation,
Far away to Brazil he decided to go,
And left the Vicarage with a heavy heart.

Angle to the old D’Urberville mansion went,
To settle rent and pick things left,
His heart pounded in the chamber Tess slept,
And the memory of the good times with her.
During his pleading of soliloquy,
There came in Izz Huett,
Another dairymaid at Talbothays,
She the one who loved him like Tess,
Who lost the run for his heart,
But now she came to see Angel and Tess,
On her way home from Talbothays,
That laid on the way to station Angel goes,
To her home a lift he offered,
And she went with him with thankfulness.
On the way he asked Izz Huett,
About the welfare of her and other dairymaids,
And he asked her will she go with him,
Leaving everything ever meant to her,
Against the will of law and morality,
Yes, in honesty she said,
Then he asked her if she still holds love for him,
Yes, again she said in her innocence,
Then Angel asked Izz, does she love him more than Tess,
For which “No” was the answer she said,
As none can love him more than Tess,
As Tess would’ve laid her life for him,
And she could do nothing more.
Her honest words in his ears echoed,
And in his heart and it spread to every vain.
The carriage to her home he turned,
And left her with his apologies.
Though on his way his heart again throbbed,
To go to Marlott and see Tess,
But still his dreams and hopes,
And convictions that tore him down,
Which all made him leave his wife,
Against which there were no defense,
Won another round of argument.
Five days after that day,
From London to his brothers he bade farewell,
Farewell to English lands and all he loved,
On his way to Brazilian lands.

(Continued…………)

Here is the text I followed. Tess Of The D’Urbervilles Phase The Fifth-The Woman Pays.

Hello, Mo Cuishle,

     I apologize for
the confusion in your mind because of the post I made in MySpace. Don’t worry,
the visa papers were submitted today, now it is all in the hands of the USCIS.
If that was what you were referencing in those posts.

   What bothered me to
go silent is something else. I truly wish someway I can make you understand
that. However now I realize that I have no experience from my past how to deal
with it. If I say anything more it will only confuse you more. Don’t worry. I
am will be fine.

  Thanks a lot for the
comments and it surprised me a bit when I saw the comments on a protected post.
I don’t know why you did that. So I am also going to keep this in a protected
post only you can see.

 

You are going to
take a great step of acting in a movie. From what you said it is a small role.
But it may be a small step for you, and I pray to the God I believe and to all the
saints to make that a giant leap for your life. It is a wild world but a
wonderful one. You take good care of yourself. 

Lovingly.

Riaz Ahammed.

Thursday…. My day haha… I thought it will be a quiet day. I was
terribly disturbed by a death news of someone I only heard in that
death new. Marshall another xangan and friend of Sam posted the death
of one of his fellow students. The way he wrote that post was so
touching, I really felt sad for the girl who died. My heart goes for
this girl and my prayers too.
 Otherwise it was quite day. There were not a lot of things I
needed to do at work. We are all relaxing. I wonder how things are
going on with the implementation guys. They are working their ass out.
Anyway I believe nothing is going wrong with the applications we
promoted.
 Before I get to the poem. Congratulations Sam for the getting the Movie part.

Today I was browsing public domain pictures I can use to post along
with most of the poems here to LonelyPoet.Com. If anyone visited that
site one can see there is a picture along with the poem. I have a lot
of poems sitting here in Xanga which I hope by the end of the weekend I
will be able to move to LonelyPoet.Com. I found this picture and I love
it big time. Looking at this picture I wrote the poem. Enjoy.

Dream Of A Rose.

From the time as a pollen flown,
Across landscapes on the lap of the wind,
Deep inside kept a little dream,
To make a difference in the wilderness around.

Every day in warmth and comfort,
And many nights in the moonlight slept,
The dream lingered in darkness and light.
No fear came amid the lush surrounding greenery.

Then after one starlit night,
After watching the dance of the meteors,
The half moon in laziness still lingered,
And the stars with eyes wide open, unblinking.

Opened the first petal showing the color inside,
The beauty of a heart unseen,
In deep, the sweetness of love resides.

Before sun shown his first flash on east,
Moon once more blessed the flower,
Upon every petal with the glory of her glitter,
No soul awake to see that beauty blossom.

The warmth of the moonlight’s love,
Melted every bit of dew upon the flower,
That like the essence of love dripped,
Upon every leaf and buds beneath.

Nature in pride of her newborn laughed,
And welcomed the lord of the day,
Whose chariot rays dried,
Every drop of the melted dew.

Oh’ those wonders of nature seen,
Only in the minds eye of poets like me,
And felt from inside a lover’s heart,
Who give his love that beauty of nature,
With a kiss upon the flower, as symbol of love,
A flower’s dream carried all the way,
In fulfillment, became part of pure love.

Nature in the pride of fulfillment,
Once again fell asleep early,
To wake up early to see,
The fulfillment of another love.

Another day died away. Aww, I love the way the day took me on a ride.
Psssst., I was running around like a mad dog to get things done. To
start with I walked right into a meeting. I hate coffee smell. In the
meeting everyone was drinking coffee. And I felt like a pregnant woman
with morning sickness. After that, Vera called me and told one of the
stamping in the passport is missing. Yeah, I screwed up with the
scanning and missed one page with an entry date. I drove back to the
hotel picked up the passport and rushed to the executive center Grrrr,
a bunch of jackasses were sitting there having a meeting. So scanning
was out of option. I thought I will fax it. Well the Fax line was not
working at my new company. Then I faxed it to my callwave fax number
and then emailed it to Vera. By this time it was 2:00PM. I went back to
office, a lot to do. As the negotiation with the new company should
start otherwise by the end of the week I won’t be having a job. Started
making phone calls. That was settled through phone. The new company
guys need to call tomorrow morning the middle layer of the client. Mmm
all settled.
 Now here comes someone saying he is bored and want to talk to me.
WOW bad idea, I started the talk at 3:30 and in three hours that guy
was like a crushed sugar cane. Hehehe. Me all active, only one problem.
I did not wrote anything.

Here is a poem I have posted in MySpace.Com last week. Don’t ask me why I wrote this.

The
Haunting Past.

The haunting past across my path walks,
In the mockery of my own life,
I buried all my flaws with cloak of more lies.

Do I deserve to be sad?
Do I deserver to be angry?
Oh, no, never could I answer,
In the pleads of mine, I believe I will be forgiven.

Oh’ you the one I love, my love for you is no flaw,
It is no dream I wish someday fulfilled,
The reality of my love unanswered pains,
Deep and from inside me burns.

The flame I kindled I wish to carry,
To see the unlit roads ahead,
But will you believe me and hold my hand?
Uncloak me with a word of care?
As the twisted roads ahead once more,
Take me through milestones of that haunting past.

Gloomy day, nothing much to do at work as the migration is going on. I was sitting there thinking of something to write.  Well nothing came. Vera called me for additional documents. Then there were couple of calls. My colleague asked me to change the style of a document one of my program is printing out and I did it in like ten minutes. By afternoon I was really tired of browsing internet. Then I took my writing pad and thought I will write whatever that comes into mind. After a while I know I am drawing junk flowers. That gave me an idea. I
wrote half of the following poem sitting at work. Then Vera called again and told to scan the documents and send it to her as soon as possible. I came back to room and scanned everything and emailed her. After that I finished the poem.

After a long time I wrote something without knowing what I should write ahead. So excuse me if some things don’t match up in the poem I did read it again but right now I am too much involved in it haha.

I love you all.

Her After Death Pleasures.

The sharpened pencil in fingers rolled,
A face and a figure in black and white outlined,
The hair and forehead, nose and eyes,
Glowing lips and the ornamented ears,
Her bosom with silk coat covered,
By this time her beauty consumed him.

Took another blank sheet and drawn,
That beauty in another pose, another costume,
He made her a queen; he made her an angel,
The wonderful looks never altered,
She, the outstretch of his beautiful imagination,
Carved away every other face from his mind.

To add the beauty, her portrait he colored,
But no beauty added as perfect was the outline,
Day and night he spent drawing more and more,
Every way that beauty found her life through him.

Then from the thin line between sanity and insanity,
He dragged himself away from a beauty non existent,
But with her filled was every cell in his body,
Those eyes, the forehead, lips, arms,
O’ his sleep was filled with her dreams,
His life with her beauty filled.

Throw her out of his mind he decided,
To find every reason through his art,
He drawn her ugly, and as a peasant,
Drawn her with men and with costumes unpleasant,
Drawn her in dirt and as Medusa,
Drawn her naked and as a prostitute,
In every possible way he tried his art,
To kill his passion for her in his heart,
But every painting spoke more than words,
As her eyes always filled with love,
And those glowing lips in thirst for a kiss.

Ran away from his home in fear and agony,
The world at his pathetic condition looked,
But he ran as fast as he can to go as far he can,
But on the way he thought “Who is she?”
He ran out of town and got into a train,
In his tiredness he fell asleep,
After the night he woke up in some place unknown,
Where he got out and walked to the nearby river,
Still he asked “Who is she, who is she?”
A walker nearby asked his welfare,
And to him, what happened he told,
He asked the painter again to draw,
The face of the enchantress he spoke,
On a piece of cloth he drawn her face,
And in horror the man dragged him away,
And took him to a nearby home,
Where to his surprise he saw the portrait of her,
The man told the painter, that the girl was his daughter,
A poet, painter and a wonderful singer she was,
But heart broken she jumped in the river,
And always dragged poets, painters and singers to the river,
To drown them for her naughty after death pleasure.