Home Of The LonelyPoet

You know what… cheerfulness is not my cup of tea. I used the eff word
like a billion times today. You know for what. Being a good guy, a
decent guy.

 I will keep it short. I am a software contractor, between me and
the client there are four layers. This project was brought to my
company by a guy in Okalahoma and the whole interview process took
nearly a month. When I was confirmed the OK guy was not responding
properly to sign the contracts. At that time all of the guys told me to
go over this guy and sign the contracts. I insisted that he should be
kept in the loop as he is the one who brought this project in the first
place. We got him after a week and everything went well.

  I started the project on Oct 17 and everything I pay for was
agreed to be reimbursed by the end client. They did and of course the
first two layers in the contracts passed it through. My first paycheck
and three weeks of expenses all came together on the first invoice. Now
you can guess what happened. The Oklahoma guy is missing in action
after he got the money. No trace. The address seems to be faked the
phones are not answering and emails not responding. Now my company and
everyone else in the loop blame me for the whole thing. You know for
what… being the good guy. Here is the deal between me and my company,
they only pay me when they get paid, because this is a contract job.
All my credit cards are full after nearly two months of hotel stay and
other expenses. I am using my brother’s credit card now. Pssst…. There
goes my happiness.

There are some people who are born to be losers. I am one great example of it. Even doing good is not good enough.

I am writing some new stuff but the last couple of days were hectic
with things going bad after bad. Here is an old poem taken from LonelyPoet.Com

In the race of mankind winners become heroes and losers perishes to
dust, but we all forget the fact that one day the winners will join the
losers as dust. A poem written in frustration of the worlds race to
find the best, and most of the time for the fun of the selfish souls.

We Will Unite As Dust.

All over the world there seems,
A hurry to move ahead,
Far ahead into the depths of life,
Beat the one near you,
For what we don’t know,
Even in the young days,
Mothers said to be better than the best,
Teachers search for the best in the class,
Girls search for the best looking,
Men search for the sexiest,
Employers looking for the best skilled.
In the race of the human race,
Losers perish to dust,
Winners become heroes,
And many heroes legends,
We fight and encourage to fight,
Mentally, spiritually and many-a-time physically.
‘Yeah’ we all fought, fighting,
And will fight, to be the best,
And from there to be better,
But will unite as dust.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the fall of 1998.

This is a poem and intro taken from LonelyPoet.Com

If somebody ask me what inspired me the most to get out from many sad
situations in life, my only answer will be the songs of this great
singer, Elton John. No one can match the talent of this man, I think
millions were inspired by his music, and many millions are going to be
inspired by his music.

Photo, Courtesy. EltonJohn.Com

My Inspiration.

When the pain of life haunts me day and night,  
When whole life seem uncertain,  
When everything stopped moving,  
And my heart thrives to be soothed.  
Your tunes, and songs inspired,  
Me to get along with hope and dreams,  
Your songs woke me from illusions,  
And gave me the hope that,  
My golden days are on the way,  
When I am alone, your songs are my companions,  
Let the next generation be lucky,  
To be inspired like this LonelyPoet.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in the spring of 1999 in LonelyPoet.Com.

Sam… you are in my prayers as always. If you read this let me know how you feel. I hope you feel well enough to write some poems.

 She said in a post that she miss writing poems because of the horrible headache she have.

Ariel said she too have headaches mmm You too are in my prayers Ariel. Get well soon. I wonder why my favorite poets are all having headaches. Am I really causing all these headaches with my comments??

Wonderful couple of days I’ve had. My sinus is fine. I relaxed listening to my favorite music, and a lot of thoughts going behind my cheerfulness. Haha. I may be the only the one alive who is thinking why I am feeling good. All those things that made me sad last week remains as is. Nothing new happened. All the things that can make me happy did not happened at all. I know why I feel good. Because I zyphyrd(zeroed out, in other words I am empty) sounds not good. But I am feeling good about it. It is like paying off a big debt without any savings.

  I am erratic so I just don’t know what I will do next. I am a free man. Free of thoughts, free of dreams, free of love. There is a poem in my head, I will write it in the coming days. But this is not a day for writing a poem like that. This day is for that little boy who called himself Cuckoo’s friend and whistled a wonderful tune a long time back.  
 Here is a poem for you all.

The Cuckoo’s Friend.

I’ve heard the cuckoo sing,
What the wind said about the mind,
“In a valley amid snow capped mounts,
Where the gardens always is filled,
With flowers that never dies,
Where a dancer always dances,
To the beat of the heart that follows her footsteps,
Filling the inner walls of the mind.”

That in turn fills every corner of me,
Peace and harmony unheard to mankind.
A dreamer who walked out of a dream,
A walker who fell and crawled,
A lover who loved, loving and forever will love,
Listening to the friendly cuckoo who don’t look at me,
But keeps on singing what always keeps my mind at peace.

Don’t miss the Elton John show tomorrow on NBC at 8:00PM EST. His music inspired me more than any music in writing poety.

My sinus was stuffed when I woke up by around noon time today. It was agood weekend. I liked it as I felt good except for the right blockedsinus with a light pain on my right side of the head. I didn’t writeanything. I was just thinking about many, many things. Read poemsonline… Those are different poems than the usual ones one may see.Those are Sufi poems. I don’t want to give a lot of explanation aboutwhat is Sufism or who is a Sufi. People many times find it hard tounderstand what is Sufism. It is Islamic mysticism. There is poetry,music and meditation all involved in Sufism. I was reading translationsof Sufi poetry.

Here are couple of poems by Kwajah Moinuddin Hasan Chishti  (d1229 A.D) beloved spiritual leader who carried the Chishti lineage toIndia. I’ve visited the shrine of Kwajah Moinuddin Hasan Chishti when Ivisited Delhi for my visa stamping in May. Irrespective of religiousbelief all people come to Ajmeer where the shrine is. He is also knownas ‘Sultan e Hind” the emperor of India.
(1)
The noise of the lover is only up to
       the time when he has not seen his Beloved.
Once he sees the Beloved, he becomes calm and quiet,
      just as the rivers are boisterous before they join the ocean,
but when they do so, there are becalmed forever.

~~
(2)
The one who knows becomes perfect only when
      all else is removed from in-between him and the Friend.
Either he remains or the Friend.

~~

My Mo Cushle, Sam is in physical pain. She said yesterday. I did pray
for her. Anyone who reads this please say a prayer or two for her.
 A week gone, the ending wonderful. It snowed all night and
daytime here. WOW that cooled me down. From the depths of sadness, I am
cheerful. Well who the heck cares. Haha.
  After a long time I am walking into a weekend in a happy mood. I
don’t know why… why should I think why I feel good. Or Should I? The
only thing that bothers me, Sam. I’ve never known her, seen her, talked
to her, but she is a wonderful poet and I know I am a little too
sensitive in these kinda matters. I hope she is fine. This is the way I
talk when I hear someone is in pain. That’s why I come to many sites
and comment. Just to cheer you up, because my poetry don’t cheer people
up. They are just the expression of my sad side. May be in a happy mood
I may write a happy poem. Who knows?

You all have a wonderful weekend.

Here is another piece of verse from my old CD. This also I only wrote
it but never thought it will see daylight. But I liked it when I read
it couple of days ago, you be the judge.

There were lines written,
Everything about the mind thinking,
Defining and describing the unknown,
The core where all passions conceive,
The place where all senses merge,
Where all dreams rest.
Mind is like the sky,
An illusion in its wonder so real,
Away from where reality lies,
And the conscious always conflicts,
With the subconscious so unreal,
But in the process go astray,
Lives of many fragile minds and souls,
But truth should always prevail,
Simple was the truth, and simple is the truth,
Perfection is a greater illusion we always hunt,
And in the end the hunter become hunted. 

Here is a numerological analysis done by my older brother who is in
India who is a very good astrologer. Last week I asked him what’s up
with the calm I am having and he said he will look into it. He sent me
a pdf document that starts like this. My own words are highlighted and
quoted.

DESTINY
The destiny can be studied from the figures of the date of birth only,
that are added together to arrive at a figure between 1 and 9. In each
destiny, there are positive and negative aspects (the negative ones
hamper a spiritual evolution and a harmonious development). All the
negative aspects can and must be overcome to allow us to continue our
progression.

The Date of Birth 02/14/1969 gives 5 as Destiny Number.

Positive side= Freedom/Independence.
Negative side= Permanent instability/Scattering.

Your life should be varied, intense and bustling. You are eager for
freedom and very curious. With your spirit of adventure, you should be
careful not to go too far, not to disrupt others’ lives too much. You
should accept the calls of destiny. Otherwise, life could try hard to
make you mature.

“The above said is very
true. I am always eager for freedom, my adventurous mind took me away
from everything I’ve know in my childhood to the other side of the
world. And I was not careful and I think many, many time I myself have
felt I’ve gone too far. The last sentence makes me laugh. “

DAY OF BIRTH
Day of Birth is 14: You are creative; you have a thirst for changes and
a liking for adventure. You will have to be careful not to squander
your energy, if you want to achieve success.

CYCLES OF LIFE
First, the three Biological Ages:
The Number which symbolizes the Youth corresponds to the Month of
Birth. Youth associated to 2: possible influence of a woman on her own and a little
demanding. Be careful not to spoil this child. A great time for friendship.

“Who is that woman wow,
I don’t know, there were many.  I don’t care about all those
anymore. Who is next? If there is one or will be one that will be the
last.”.

The Middle Age, for this person, starts with the 32th Year. The
corresponding Number is associated with the Day of Birth.
Middle Age 5: a time with constant changes, in every field (love, work,
friends, house…). Pleasant unexpected events, travels, luck. Make the most
of your freedom, without going too far; respect others but do not take their
opinions too much into account.

“This is part right and
part wrong. Constant change yes, 11 cities in the last 8 years. 4
different girlfriends, travels, don’t take others opinion at all. Wrong
part, luck, never known that coming to me, pleasant unexpected events.
There were lot of events unexpected ones, none of them pleasant at all.”


The Old Age, for this person, starts with the 59th year.
Old Age 7: a time of studious and wise retirement, in full equanimity.

” If I have a son by that
age. He will kill me around that age. Oh’ what a menacing old man I
will be hehehe:” If anyone is interested in reading the whole thing
click this link. Numerological Analysis.

I don’t usually write at work. Yesterday late in the afternoon I
visited xanga from work as things were going way out of control at work
just for a relief. There was not much relief, I got confused after
visiting couple of sites. I wrote this short poem at that time.

Those Unheard Words.
 
Oh’ captivated heart remained,
In sheer magnificence of the beauty,
Inside and outside, perfection in congregation,
She held my senses known and unknown, prisoner,
And all definitions at bay remained,
Perplexed but bowed in shyness,
Of the passions felt inside.
 
A dreamer inside conceived,
Filled in were the passions,
But murdered before birth,
Love remains an unclaimed corpse.
For the material ear, unheard words.

There is a point to which sadness can take someone. Will it take
someone on an upward curve into happiness? I wished for it. I wish for
it and I will wish for it. Though there is nothing I feel in my five
senses to back my wishes. To be honest with you I can tell you with
guarantee that I am the saddest person in this world right now. But at
this moment I am thinking deep when is the last time I was happy for a
long time? I don’t even know. Well… every moment that came to my mind
was a moment I smiled looking at the happiness of others.

This is something I pulled out of my Old CD. I am really truly
overwhelmed by some feeling now. I just can’t even type properly. I
will return, when? Mmm good question I am asking myself. In about 24
hours or may be early. This round may go further. But you know no
matter who is not there for me, there are those invisible hands of God
I always fall to, that comforted me in being the best creations on Earth
with absolute perfection of making me who I am.

The ladder climbed gave a thought,
Lead to the way above,
Burned the bridges behind,
Erased mind for everything new,
The pastures filled with promises,
The golden rays of the rising sun,
The soothing smell of the summer wind,
But never realized where the ladder led,
Was nothing but a bunch of clouds,
On which I played my game,
The cloud blessed the land beneath,
And vanished from beneath my foot,
And here I am lying in bed,
When the whole world lives I sleep,
And when the whole world sleeps I just dream,
About a day I may live,
Like the whole world that surround me now.

In February this year, my niece gave birth to a baby girl. I was not
there when she was born. In May this year when I visited India for Visa
stamping I visited her. Athiqa Mariam instantly won me over. Monday
evening my sister Neena and my niece brought her to my moms apartment
and I was online and saw her playing around through the webcam. WOW
that was a wonderful sight and I miss holding that little hand. I also
noticed how much my niece Nilu changed as a mother from a young little
stubborn girl. Here is a picture my nephew Omar Farooque took with his
cellphone  and a poem I wrote.

Athiqa Mariam

Small Lives.

The dreams cherished about the little ones,
Those little hands held and guided along,
Those little smiles that sparkles like stars,
Kindling the sparks of life, frozen by the past,
With thoughts and words filled with innocence,
With imagination that goes beyond every domain,
Seeing the remains of life in a way seen,
By those who have seen our own little life,
Patience and kindness lead to insight,
And all in turn leave in mind, far-sight.
Motherhood and fatherhood is not an inherited gift,
When holding those hands everyone should learn,
When patiently guiding those minds, should think,
That the reality to which everyone is linked,
Is embedded in the links than the unknown it surrounds,
Men become fathers and women mothers,
Only when they become reasons,
For the passing of at least a life through the mortal world.
And link life to eternity.

Rough day, I reached office late. Then some slimy guys were playing
with the network and it took about an hour for me to login to the
system. I was drowning from the word go. I couldn’t do much with the
programs I am working on as the Unix servers came online only towards
the end of the day. Work sucked all day.

  I have no friends I am no friend of anyone either. So it’s okay
for me to do whatever I want. Well… I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even
took my pen to write. The only thing I enjoy doing also I kept at bay
thinking about a girl, whose love is impossible to attain.

  I took this old piece I wrote like a long time ago. I was
thinking why did I wrote this? It means nothing to my life.  May
be some of you can derive some meaning out of this piece of verse with your love life.

The silence between the words of love,
Means more than love you loved,
All your life, everything, every way,
Wishes that bless with fulfillment
And banishes the world of difference,
Between two hearts known,
Only in the sense of love,
Where there is nothing in between,
The love of one another,
Where every thought defines,
The soul of the other.
When in this perfection life entangles,
A heaven is made on earth,
Where flowers bloom every moment,
Where every word one say,
Defines the life of the other,
Where in the heart of the other lives,
The blessings of the other,
And life bless with more life,
Where every living moment fulfills,
Dreams yet to be seen by the other.

Have a wonderful week ahead of ya.

I seldom make promises as I know if I couldn’t keep a promise I almost
melt in pain. Couple of days back I made a promise. I will keep it with
flesh and blood, if that’s what it takes to keep it.  Don’t worry
its just a family tradition of the Ashan’s (that’s my family name in
India) we always keep our promises but I never seen any Ashan spilling
blood at all hehehe.

 Another poem from the Old CD. I never thought I will release
these poems at all, as they were all very personal reflections. But I
just don’t remember why, when, where I wrote this poem. Now when I read
it, I thought it is worth reading it. So my xangans, friends, Darling.
Here is my verse for the day.

The Forbidden Kiss.

With a pledge to romance,
About the moment of rendezvous,
With love, oh my love.
With a pledge to my heart,
About the soothing feeling you bless.
With a pledge to every creation of almighty,
About the blessings to humanity our love gives,
Waited with a soul filled with love,
To share with you in a way I try to express here.

That which you see gets embedded,
With that which you hear and smell,
As it all touch deep inside,
And merge to paint the walls of the mind,
And brew the sweetness that pours,
To the tip of tongue and lips,
Which when shared with you,
Gives love an unforgettable touch,
With a feeling in every way real,
That dissolves the meaning of the word ‘Forever’
In my first kiss to you,
That gives love, life, beyond eternity.

What in the world stopped you and me?
What in the world stepped in between?
To forbid the world another moment of glory,
Of the greatest achievement of humanity.

Here is a song in my mother tongue language in India. The language is
called Malayalam. I got this link from my brother in India. I love this
song a lot even when I was a teenager. It’s a stream link just click on
it and it will play. The music is a lot different with a lot of
instruments played. Tell me what do you think about it. I’d love to
hear from you all. Okay.

The Singers name is K.S.Chitra. Kunnimani Cheppu.