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Greenbay Packers

{{{Update for today 10/09/2005.
     For the last couple of hours I am trying to make a post here. I was so happy couple of
     days ago and in the duration of the click of a hand it was all gone. I don’t want another
     post in here explaining things. I am trying my best to survive this. I don’t know if I ever 
     update this with anything personal. I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. I will be posting
     the poem “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles” once it is ready. That is a promise I made and I
     only make one kind of promises, the good ones. But I will sure be commenting on your
     sites, like I love hearing from you all.
End of update.}}}

Iam a little sick with light fever and congested nose. I rested most ofthe day.  After the afternoon sleep, I woke up and sat before agrowling computer and into the open MS-Word document I poured in whatcame to my mind about an idea that came as a whisper for some reason Idon’t know where, why and how it came to me. Well muse works in manyways isn’t it? I also don’t know why I got this idea, read the poem andyou be the judge as what I am writing about is something I will neverfeel in real.

Heart Beat Of A Child.

Oh’ the love she felt was deep,
The eyes of her lover volumes spoke,
About every bit of life ahead,
Nothing stopped her from the wrath of lust,
And all went past beyond any recovery.

The promises of her love, lied,
Not the promise of nature inside her,
When she first felt a heart beat in her womb,
No past or present or anything of future,
No dreams, thoughts or verse written can describe,
A woman’s feeling of motherhood.

The months of carriage hard it was,
The depth of love felt every moment deepened,
And every bit of life around through senses merged,
Into that life when at birth into the hands of that mother.

Sleepless nights to keep her undisturbed,
Days went by senseless as the little girl grew,
Ages counted but time itself sometime paused,
And watched the daughter holding her mom.
From first steps to every action in the child filled,
With the actions of her own mother.
Oh’ what better love nature can show the world?
Other than the love of that mother for her little child.

The beauty of love nature shown again and again,
Filled in the beauty that little child grown up to be,
It was the perfection of that great motherhood,
In the wonderful charms of that girl seen,
By the world we sense around us
And the fairy world and the Angelic world,
All in union to the rhythm of her heart danced.

Innocence bowed and left for the feelings,
Of romance and everlasting love in her heart,
The action and word of that boy so pure,
The known and unknown worlds again,
Seen the perfection of another form of love,
That consumed two hearts to the first steps of life.

In front of that great mother she stood,
Kissing her cheeks and waving good bye,
Nothing will prove more how well that mother,
Did her duty of motherhood, but her sweet tears,
As the bride and her groom drove away from her eyesight,
Her love for her child and the love of her child for her,
Merged into the heart of that great mother,
The heart beat in her womb once she felt,
Now felt as an odd beat of her own heart beat.

Once more updated only LonelyPoet.Org
 Hectic day went by like the swish of my sword. I have an idea for
a poem but ‘Tess’ is staring at me now haha.  If someone gets a
chance watch a program called “Heart Of A Lioness” in Animal planet
channel. That is one incredible show I’ve seen. If you have already
seen it you already knew what I mean.
Hope everyone have a wonderful week(or what remains of it) ahead.

Thursday, I prayed, God get me the job I am looking for in Madison, WI or L.A. CA
mmm nothing happened. I decided nothing is going to happen and I am moving with
my brother to save money. But things started to take shape on Friday. As I
talked to this company for a contract position in Albany, New York.
While talking on phone to them about the technical details. The fire alarm in
that building came on and they all evacuated. I think they took it as a bad
omen or something like that and did not talked to me afterwards at all. Then another lady called
me and said hey, I want you to talk to the Technical lead in, Albany and I talked to him. He said I am the
perfect guy for the job. But till the end of the day I did not got any
confirmation from them. Usually that happens because of contractual details
(money). After nearly two months of no job and three other positions going away
because of my insistence about contract terms. I thought once more I will take
a cut. Sunday my kryptonite tagged me to do this survey (If you read the survey
in the pervious post you’ll know who is it) she once more wished me all the
best this week. And today morning they called me before I called them and
confirmed me for the position. The terms remain the same.

So instead of Kansas or Wisconsin or California
I am going to Albany, New York.

I think I owe this young girl more than I owe anything to
anyone now. This is the second time it happened. First time during my visa
crisis she said something I’ve never heard before. “I give you all my luck”
none told me such things before. So Sam, You have the privilege now. Use it
whenever you want to. Okay.

I don’t have any poem today, I was out there in Baltimore, taking a drug
test for the job, and then got lost on the way back and went into
Washington.D.C. I barely made it back for the Monday Night Football game. But
poor Packers couldn’t pull this one also. But my hero Favre, was on fire. That
is a good sign for things to happen in the remaining season.

I am positive that I will be able to finish the Tess poem by
the end of the week. Then in the next 7 to 10 days you will see the first
installment of the poem. My fellow xangans who all wished me well to the survey
yesterday. Thank you very much.

Sam, you are my Mo Cushle. If you don’t know what it means.
Watch the movie, Million Dollar Baby.

I never done this before, but I was
tagged by my favorite xangan( the one I am obligated to a lot)
Kekeway_Arinya_Mekae. This is for her.

40 Favorite Things

1. Animal: Lion

2. Pet: none

3. Flower/Plant: Rose

4. Color: Green

5. Possession: My Samurai Sword, My 1999 VW Beetle.

6. Item Of Clothing: My Worn Out Ash Color Shirt.

7. T. V. Program/Channel: MONK

8. Movie: Lord of the Rings/Million Dollar Baby

9. Actor/Actress: Clint Eastwood/Nicole Kidman

10. Artist: Picasso

11. Book/Author:  Tess Of The D’Urbervilles/Thomas Hardy and William Wordsworth

12. Song: Sacrifice

13. Music Genre: Alternative, Slow Rock, Hard Rock.

14. Website: haha my own site www.lonelypoet.com

15. Store: Best Buy, Home Depot, Nordstorm (downtown San Francisco)

16. Food: Many won’t understand as it is from the south western Indian
state called Kerala  it is called Puttu. Made with rice powder and
shredded cocunut.

17. Drink/Alcohol: Mango Juice.

18. Vehicle/Mode Of Transport: Air Plane

19. Sport To Watch/Play: Football-never played it. I am a big Green Bay Packers fan.

20. Exercise/Physical Activity: Walking.

21. Outdoor Activity: Driving, Walking.

22. Indoor Activity: Reading, Writing, Internet, Watching whatever DVDs I can.

23. Outlet For Frustration: haha kicking my laptop.

24. Self Feature: haha my big belly, now it is reducing losing my symbol hehehe.

25. Feature In The Opposite/Same Sex: Eyes/not so muscular or fleshy upper hands of a woman.

26. Turn On: Too many to note.

27. Indulgence: mmm quick mmm

28. Recurring Dream/Fantasy: A girl loving me. (it may probably remain as dream forever)

29. Sexual Position: Don’t you know I am from India(land of kamasutra) all 62 positions of them hehehe.

30. Sleep Position: On my belly.

31. Bath/Shower: Shower, shower shower everyday, 365 days hot or cold.

32. Place To Relax: Lake side Milwaukee.

33. Place You’ve Been: Germany, Netherlands, Italy, Kuwait, Every corner of America except North West.

34. Job You Have/Had: Mainframe Programmer/Sales Man at No Excuses store.

35. Subject In School: Physics.

36. Memory: Very good memory of almost everything from the age of about 3. But age is catching up with me now.

37. Person: haha didn’t you read my nickname?

38. Best Friend: Deepak Prabhakar.

39. Person You Admired Growing Up: My Dad.

40. Superhero/Villain: Mandrake The Magician.

DO THIS

5 Details about me:

1. I have a lot of unreturned love.(don’t expect anyone to return)

2. I love to read,write and read my own writing.

3. I am at times very bad tempered

4. I love music, movies and haha myself.

5. I was tagged with this by Kekeway_Arinya_Mekae.

Details about my appearance right now:

1. I’m wearing clothes

2. I am sitting on my bed with my laptop.

3. My hair is over grown and I am going to cut it short.

4. I am sleepy.

 5. I’m not touching the floor.

 Things I did yesterday:

1. Slept half of the day, commented on xanga, posted a poem in xanga.

2. Talked to my friend and gave him some suggestion to how to hit on a 35 year old woman

3. Listened to old songs

 4. Ate only two meals.

5. Kicked my own butts for messing up a poem I wrote.

Memorable Things I did in the past year:

1. Went to India after more than 4 years.

2. Changed my attitude to love and relationships(from achievable to unattainable)

3. Passed through Italy.

4. Drove to Texas and lived there. Wild I thought it will be but felt blessed there.

5. Forgiven that woman who cursed me to be Lonely.

6. Watched every bit of Athens Olympics on T.V. (Wished to be there but time and job screwed me)

Favorite Musicians:

1. Elton John

2. Enya

3. Phil Collins

4. Sinead O’Connor

5. Eric Clapton.

Favorite Movies (are you getting bored yet?) Sam asked the good question in brackets:

1. The Deer Hunter

2. The Omen

3. 36th Chamber Of Shaolin.

4. Million Dollar Baby.

  5. Lord Of The Rings

things that make me happy:

1. Being commented on.(haha)

2. Writing My Thoughts As Poetry.

3. Day Dreaming.

4. Talking to myself ( I do that a lot while writing)

5. Summer Fest In Milwaukee.

5 things that impress me:( I agree with Sam here)

1. Intelligence

2. Talent

 3. Honesty

 4. Maturity

5. Creativity

5 things that don’t impress me:( Here also I agree with Sam)

1. Immaturity

2. Disrespect

3. Mean people

4. Apathy

5. Ignorance

5 things I can live without:

1. My misfortunes.

2. SICKNESS

3. Rap Music

4. Lactose Intolerance

5. Indian IT managers. They are all Jack Asses.

People I’m tagging to do this survey:

1.  spygurlrouge(Laurel)

2. rosesforalostcause

3. magsterG

4. The_Poetry_Is_LosT

Why is my life so unfortunate? Why all the bizarre twists and turns
come to me? I am really pissed as today went wild and eventually forced
me to postpone my trip from tomorrow to Sunday. What happened? GRRR I
don’t think I can even think about it anymore.

A poem I wrote couple of days back. I hope you all will enjoy it and will have the best of the weekends.

Waiting For The Last Summer Rain.

Among the crowd he wandered,
With thoughts that wondered,
About life that seems normal,
Alien for him from the path fate paved.

A summer storm loomed above and all around,
The singing birds silenced by a rumble,
The fear in the eyes of those birds said,
More about what is to come than the past.

He walked away from the streets,
And in a deserted corner stood,
Unknowing what felt inside was real,
Or another fancy thought that may drag,
Him down way below the land he stood.

He knew no ways around this town,
None of the faces any way familiar,
He never meant to go anywhere he realized,
He never spoke to himself either.

Inside, he felt lost for all he felt for that girl,
As deep into the halls of mind silence penetrated,
Leaving mind astray with no hope of recovery,
Burying deep his love still listening to her silence.

The norm of the world stopped,
More dreams from sprouting,
As inside he felt what felt was wrong,
And must be washed away in the last rain,
Of a turbulent summer he wished never existed.

Love still remained untold and unfelt,
Leaving another wound inside that will never heal,
He wiped away the tears he felt in his eyes,
And then without a thought I crossed the street,
To offer some words to console his broken heart,
The closer I reached the blurry became my eyesight,
But nothing wrong was there with my vision,
It was him, who was fading and shrinking,
And in my awe of surprise I stood still,
How long I don’t know I stood there in awe,
But felt ashamed and sad,
When the flower seller passing by said,
In her perplexed and humorous tone,
“Why are you staring at your own shadow sir?”

It is official now. I am leaving Virginia on Saturday morning for
Overland Park, Kansas. There I will join my brother and his family for
at least another month. The only thing that can stop me from going to
Kansas is an assignment I am looking for in Madison, Wisconsin or Los
Angles, California. Said that, I hope something to work in the next
couple of days. Anyway tomorrow it is a packing day. Friday it is a
resting day before the drive.

 Because of the confusion
with the assignments and my differences with my company plus something
very personal swaying me big time. I wasn’t able to touch the Tess poem
much in the last 10 days. Probably I will take it once I am in Kansas.

 Yesterday
I updated LonelyPoet.Org. Today it is time for this site. I did not say
what prompted me to write the last two poems and the one I posted in
LonelyPoet.Org yesterday. I am also not going to say why I wrote this
one today. Said that, if one gets time read them all. Even then I think
there will be only one person who can truly understand what I mean.

Frozen Images.

Hey you, the one who burns inside,
My aging body as a prisoner of past,
Pulling in more and more of life,
Trying to tame the wilderness of present,
How long do ye think we will be in oblivion?

There is an enchantress out there somewhere,
Who consumes you now and will forever,
Who throws images in the imaginations,
Flying you to the highest cloud,
Leaving you to float away looking,
Back at the material part of you falling,
Failing against the will of dreams once more.

There is a world out there that knows nothing,
There are the building blocks of life that lie shattered,
There is more to everything that your senses merge,
Deep in a heart that pumps the feeling
To every corner of me energizing,
Me to take a step closer to that enchantress,
But I stop now, look and understand,
I have to turn away from every bit of life I’ve known,
As all the images she thrown are unmoving still ones,
And frozen in the long tiring prison of my past.

‘Enough is enough’ said I, to my dreams,
Those words deep in my ears, in head, echoing,
All is wrong or had gone wrong,
Or I tried the wrong first leaving,
No time or opportunity to do the right

O glad I am in one way,
I know myself more than I imagined.
Will I ever fit into the matrix out there?
I am afraid I will not.

The strong want to believe,
It is all over in the words I read,
And here I lay wounded,
But not bleeding a drop.
Will I ever be able to stand up?
Like those old times when I fell,
I am just not only too old for you,
I am too old for my own conscience too.

haha many said, I am not a loser. Now it’s looks like anything or
anyone I support also will end up being losers. Poor Packers lost again
today. I had this hope of them getting their act together. And I
thought they are going to pull this one off. Too late, it was too
late. It is too sad to see Favre walking away with his head down. I
hope they get their act together and get some wins and end this season
decently. Any Packers fans in my list, pray for them. They need a lot
of prayers.

Copy of my update in LonelyPoet.Org

(End- Copy Of Update)

I am just finished watching this movie. I bought both movies based on
Thomas Hardy’s novel. To be frank with you, I did not liked the ending
of both the movies. But I would advice anyone interested in the story
to see the 1980 Roman Polanski’s adaptation of the book. Though not
perfect, Nastassja Kinski’s performance is amazing. Polanski with the
limitation of time and space did a remarkable job. Though some part I
wished to see was not even mentioned it still creates an effect. I’ve
seen the Polanski version a while back in 1998 it was a bad cassette
and had a whole lot of problems in watching the movie.

 The A&E edition of the BBC production gives a little more
detail but still sucked with the ending. Justine Waddell is no Tess.
She looked too old for the role still the Anna Karina girl did her best
especially towards the end of the movie. But screwed up the last words
“I am Ready”. I laughed out loud when I saw her saying that because it
was that bad.

As it was a fasting day and now finished my fast, I need to prepare for
tomorrow. Like I said in my post earlier I may not be able to finish
the poem by that deadline. It is a deadline because Octorber 3rd
Ramadhan starts and all my other activities comes to a halt for a month
usually. Poetry is the language of the heart, I pray to God not to be
angry with me for giving poems away for free to some of the wonderful
people ever lived. So don’t worry.

 As for that small poem it is an eight liner I wrote today it is
meant for someone special. I hope she sees it and understands it.